Who's Your Bitch NOW? (sonnet)

You took my soul from me a million times.
You said I'd be a fool to try to leave.
After years of you messing with my mind,
There was some of it I almost believed.
You called me a slut and a worthless whore,
A cunt, a bitch, and a few that were worse.
You raped me til I couldn't take much more,
And then would laugh in my face and just curse.
You said I was stupid, ugly, and fat.
You gave me no mercy when I cried out.
I learned to be silent through all of that,
For if I complained, it was worse, no doubt.
And yet I did survive . . . someway, somehow --
One thing I have to ask, "Who's your bitch NOW?"

Almost Gone (sonnet)

Just today, in front of the kitchen sink,
I stood for what seemed like over an hour.
"What is the problem?" I surely did think,
Why am I still giving this man power?
I remembered all the times he hurt me --
He said me washing dishes turned him on.
I cringed when I thought of the agony,
But then I remembered -- the bastard's GONE!
He cannot hurt me like that any more.
He can't trap me alone in my kitchen.
Somehow, I'm not as afraid as before,
Because someone took the time to listen.
I'll wash these plates and then just carry on,
For the hold he had on me's almost gone.

My Plan of Attack (sonnet)

It is not defeat if I should fall down,
And it is not a loss if I feel pain.
Defeat begins when I stay on the ground --
I win when I get up and try again.
I will make mistakes along this journey.
I will take a step backwards now and then,
But it's all good, so long as I'm learning
There are roads I shouldn't travel again.
There will be detours that get in my way.
There will  be waters too deep to wade through,
But as long as I take it day by day,
There's nothing in this world that I can't do.
I will learn to look forward and not back.
Tackling today is my plan of attack.

Floating on a Cloud (sonnet)

I'm floating on a cloud of purest white,
Away from the web of life's tangled mess.
I've escaped into the darkness of night.
I'm no longer trapped by the straps of stress.
Just ask me if I have a single care;
I'll tell you that I don't, they've flown away.
There is no pain to be found anywhere,
I've banished trauma, at least for today.
So ask me how I feel, I dare you to.
I'll tell you that I feel nothing at all. 
For just a few hours the agony's through.
I'm dead to the world and my mind's a wall.
Right now there's no where else I'd rather be,
For I'm nowhere at all right now, you see.  

I Feel So Lost (sonnet)

I feel so lost in a big, brand new world --
In a game where I don't know all the rules.
All alone, just a frightened little girl,
Asked to build a life without many tools.
I know how to be a mother quite well.
I know that I'm expected to work, too,
But the "extras," nobody wants to tell;
I'm left wond'ring what I'm supposed to do.
If I make a wrong choice, my kids are gone.
If I do too much at once, I collapse.
I'm terrified that I'll do something "wrong."
I don't know who to trust or who to ask.
I can't please ev'ryone at once, it seems,
I am still figuring out what life means.

Letter to Santa (sonnet)

If I wrote a letter to Santa Claus,
I'd ask for a personal chef and maid.
I'd ask to erase everything that was.
I'd ask why I took it and why I stayed.
But Santa isn't real, of that I'm sure,
So a letter would be pointless to write.
I simply have to deal with things that were
And do my best to live my life now right.
Oh, to be a child again, and believe
In beings with power to change the world.
What gifts would I ask that I could receive
If I were still just an innocent girl?
I'd ask for all the pain to go away
So I can make it through another day.

Never Be the Same (sonnet)

From the moment we met, I ceased to live.
My self became a shadow with no voice.
I gave you all of me that I could give.
You never even gave me one small choice.
I soon stopped even thinking for myself --
My thoughts didn't really matter at all.
It was your way or the highway, or else . . .
Either way, I was up against a wall.
Your brutal acts convinced me hope was dead.
I gave up even feeling what you did.
Each time you drug me off to go to bed,
I found a spot inside my head and hid.
A child was all I was before you came.
I know that I will never be the same.

I See Some Light (sonnet)

Ugly demons from the past, running wild,
Tear at the very fibers of my soul.
Although I am grown, I feel like a child,
Trapped alone at the bottom of a hole.
Bags of crap are falling down around me --
The old and new, they scatter on the ground.
I close my eyes so that I will not see
The horror that is piling up around.
Determined not to drown beneath this shit,
I grasp at some roots and begin to climb.
More's raining down, but I just ignore it.
I will not lose this battle of the mind.
I see some light shining down from the top,
And until I reach it, I will not stop.

Divorce is Divorce (poem)

Well, divorce is divorce, of course, of course,
Unless that divorce just happens to be
Unending in matrimonial courts,
And also wreaking havoc with me.
So, divorce is divorce, of course, of course,
Unless that divorce just happens to be
A game played by some almost like a sport,
With no winner or loser that I can see.
Now divorce is divorce, of course of course,
Unless that divorce just happens to be
Separation from the ass of a horse
That was once married to me.

I'll Always Be There (sonnet)

More than once, the thought of your small faces
Has kept me from doing things I'd regret.
I'm much more careful, now, going places --
Visiting memories I can't forget.
Your young lives are intertwined now with mine;
What's good for you matters more than all else.
As your mother, I spend most of my time
Thinking of you, and little of myself.
Each breath I take, I breathe only for you.
My child, you're loved more than you'll ever know.
I may not always choose what's right to do.
I may not always find a way to show
The way my world revolves around your care.
I'm not perfect, but I'll always be there.