Just hold on til tomorrow (poem?)

I “accidentally” cut my middle finger on a broken glass
Just to spite his fucking, sorry ass.
Just one last way to finally say, "Fuck you
For all the shit you put me through!"

But it wasn’t deep enough.

It didn’t bleed enough.

I guess I have lost my touch.

I burnt myself with a cigarette,
But still can't begin to forget.
All the fucking shit he did
And the fucking pain he caused.
And the wreck of a mother
And the fucking whore I was.

It was never what I wanted --
It wasn't “me” at all.
But I've taken the fucking blame,
And I've taken the fucking fall.

I took 4 hands full of pills,
Just how many, I don't know.
So down the rabbit hole I go.
I don't want to die,

That’s for sure . . .
I know life is too precious . . .

I just want to be a in a blur.

And, for once in my life,
I would LOVE to get some sleep.
I just want these memories to
Go away and let me rest in peace.

I even used the telephone.
I called the fucking crisis line,
And talked to Senor Psychobabble.
He said take a hot shower
And drink a glass of milk . . .
Like that will fucking help.

I don't know what I need.
I really feel the need to bleed.
But that’s not an option I’m willing to face.

I have enough scars to be a disgrace.

Just cigarette burns, maybe,

And perhaps that will finally teach me

To stop blabbing my fucking mouth

About things that nobody has any business knowing.

Places I have no business going.

I can feel the hatred in my growing,

But, that's just how I feel right now.

Tomorrow will be different.

I have children that I love,

And there's a God above

Who cares for me.

I just have to hold on til tomorrow.

Just hold on til tomorrow.