Just Hold Me (Poem)

Will there ever come a time

When I live more than half alive?

Will there ever come a moment

That I forget his torment?

Will there ever come a day

That I forget the way

He treated me worse than a cow,

That's how it felt anyhow.

Will there ever come a second

That I feel like more than a slut

More than a whore,

Even though no one calls me that

Anymore.

The words still ring in my ears,

Even though "I love you,"

Is mostly what I hear.

I've heard those words before,

Before being slammed into a door,

Choked til I passed out,

Smashed into a wall

Until I couldn't breathe at all.

So forgive me if "I love you"

Doesn't cut it.

I can't get past the memories

Of what he did to me.

I really want to believe

The things you say and do for me.

You've been nothing but wonderful,

But somehow I feel I don't don't deserve

Your love at all.

I feel so small.

I feel so very small.

Unlike a person at all.

Take me to some other place

Where I cannot see his face,

But only yours.

Help me see that life and love

Are things worth fighting for.

I cannot find my balance on the ground.

This world is too heavy,

But if you hold me, just maybe,

I can learn to stand.

Love Is Scary (poem)

Sometimes it's scary learning to love

Wond'ring if I'll ever be enough

What if I make the same mistake I made before

Can't fight this pain anymore

Don't know what I'm living for

Taking risks and being vulnerable is tough.

Sometimes it's impossible to hide

The feelings that I feel deep inside

Ending it all sounds so tempting

When the pain is so heart wrenching

But I can't do that to those I'd leave behind.

Can't sleep in the middle of the night

Can't find a way to rest that feels right

Memories of yesterday hold me by the throat

Take enough pills just to keep me afloat

Still left with nightmares filled with fright.

Can I hold on til I find happy ever after?

Can I stop the tears and find the laughter?

Someone loves me for who I am,

But does he know everywhere I've been?

After all, would he think it matters?

Sometimes love is scary,

It's worrisome and hairy.

Will it be the time of my life

Once again as someone's wife,

Or will it be the mistake of my life?

There's no way to know

What might be

Between him and me.

That look between us

When we're feeling in love -

What if that comes to an end,

And I'm left without even a friend?

I try not to think about what might have been . . .

I can't go back again,

I can't  pretend

What happened wasn't real.

There's no way of unfeeling

The things that I feel.

There's no way of sleeping tonight.

Something just doesn't feel right.

So I stand in the rain,

Smoke another cigarette

And try to drown the pain

In another glass of liquor.

Just makes me feel sicker

And sadder,

More shameful

Like I'm climbing a ladder

Down to the depths of hell.

Can't think very well.

And the reason why?

Who can tell.

I don't want to fall,

But I don't want to call

Anyone.

Want to run.

Want to give up.

Want to lie down

And never awake,

But that would be

A terrible mistake.

Just when I've found love.

But love is scary.

Love is so scary...

When you've been hurt so badly . . .