This saying on the picture is one of the few things I remember that my grandmother taught me in German. Loosely translated, I think it means "a lazy lady uses a long thread" (or something like that). She used to say that to me when we were sewing or mending something by hand. You see, if you make your thread shorter, you have to re-thread your needle more often. I used to like to take what I thought were "shortcuts" ... so I would make my thread longer so I that I wouldn't have to re-thread my needle so often. The problem with that was that by using a longer thread, my line was much more likely to get tangled up in knots ...which meant wasted time and perfectly good string having to start all over again. I think that maybe what my Grandma was trying to tell me with this phrase wasn't so much that I was being lazy using a longer thread, but rather that sometimes in life there aren't really any feasible shortcuts.
I'm forty-three now, and the older I get, the more I realize how much more I still have yet to learn. The more I think about it, the more I realize that some of the most valuable things in life take a long time to come to fruition. Also, I think Grandma was trying to tell me that anything in life that needs to be done is worth doing to the best of one's ability (with the present resources and strength that one has). I don't remember offhand who said it, but one of my favorite sayings is a rather simple one:
"Do what you can, with what you have, wherever you are."
There's a song like that called "Brighten the Corner Where You Are." I can't remember all the words, but the gist of it is that no matter what circumstances we may be facing at any given time, it's pretty much a guarantee that somebody somewhere is having even more problems, so try to cheer up whatever place you may find yourself in.
So these days, I'm trying to focus on basic, essential things -- simple things. Some people have told me that I'm a really complicated person ... maybe that's so? (okay, most definitely so) But I think, deep down, what most people want is to feel a sense of belonging and purpose -- to feel like we have a reason for being alive.
I have faced death several times -- often as a direct result of stupid choices that I thought were my only options at the time. It's a long story ... but one time, after coming out of a coma, I realized how very precious every moment of life is and how much I had taken for granted. Being able to see, being able to hear, being able to speak, being blessed to be able to be a mom, and even having felt great love numerous times & then lost it ... So yes, sometimes I get down in the dumps when my meds or hormones are out of whack or I'm once again reminded of traumas from the past. But day by day, I'm learning to let go of the stuff that weighs me down and focus on the here and now.
Life is too short for me to agonize over what I should have, could have, would have done differently if I had known better at the time. The simple truth is that I've made MANY stupid decisions over the years ... and there were almost always natural consequences for those choices. I only hope and pray that my children, other family members, and friends can forgive me for putting them through so much stuff. And frankly, the most difficult of all is learning to forgive myself. I'm still working on that ... but we're all works in progress, right?
