Friday, September 16, 2016

Famous Once I'm Dead (sonnet)

Today I write in blind obscurity.
There's no one there to read the rhymes I pen.
But someday someone will, and then you'll see
My words will truly come to life again.
I may not sell a single book today.
The papers may not print one single line.
But someday folks will stop, and then they'll say,
"I know which poems are good," and they'll be mine!
To have nobody know me now's a curse,
But even Dickenson died without fuss.
I don't precisely know which one is worse,
To be well known or have no one know us.
I'm going to be famous once I'm dead,
After all my poems are found and read.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Just Hold Me (Poem)

Will there ever come a time
When I live more than half alive?
Will there ever come a moment
That I forget his torment?
Will there ever come a day
That I forget the way
He treated me worse than a cow,
That's how it felt anyhow.
Will there ever come a second
That I feel like more than a slut
More than a whore,
Even though no one calls me that
Anymore.
The words still ring in my ears,
Even though "I love you,"
Is mostly what I hear.
I've heard those words before,
Before being slammed into a door,
Choked til I passed out,
Smashed into a wall
Until I couldn't breathe at all.
So forgive me if "I love you"
Doesn't cut it.
I can't get past the memories
Of what he did to me.
I really want to believe
The things you say and do for me.
You've been nothing but wonderful,
But somehow I feel I don't don't deserve
Your love at all.
I feel so small.
I feel so very small.
Unlike a person at all.

Take me to some other place
Where I cannot see his face,
But only yours.
Help me see that life and love
Are things worth fighting for.
I cannot find my balance on the ground.
This world is too heavy,
But if you hold me, just maybe,
I can learn to stand.

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Love Is Scary (poem)

Sometimes it's scary learning to love
Wond'ring if I'll ever be enough
What if I make the same mistake I made before
Can't fight this pain anymore
Don't know what I'm living for
Taking risks and being vulnerable is tough.

Sometimes it's impossible to hide
The feelings that I feel deep inside
Ending it all sounds so tempting
When the pain is so heart wrenching
But I can't do that to those I'd leave behind.

Can't sleep in the middle of the night
Can't find a way to rest that feels right
Memories of yesterday hold me by the throat
Take enough pills just to keep me afloat
Still left with nightmares filled with fright.

Can I hold on til I find happy ever after?
Can I stop the tears and find the laughter?
Someone loves me for who I am,
But does he know everywhere I've been?
After all, would he think it matters?

Sometimes love is scary,
It's worrisome and hairy.
Will it be the time of my life
Once again as someone's wife,
Or will it be the mistake of my life?

There's no way to know
What might be
Between him and me.
That look between us
When we're feeling in love -
What if that comes to an end,
And I'm left without even a friend?

I try not to think about what might have been . . .
I can't go back again,
I can't  pretend
What happened wasn't real.
There's no way of unfeeling
The things that I feel.
There's no way of sleeping tonight.
Something just doesn't feel right.

So I stand in the rain,
Smoke another cigarette
And try to drown the pain
In another glass of liquor.
Just makes me feel sicker
And sadder,
More shameful
Like I'm climbing a ladder
Down to the depths of hell.
Can't think very well.
And the reason why?
Who can tell.

I don't want to fall,
But I don't want to call
Anyone.
Want to run.
Want to give up.
Want to lie down
And never awake,
But that would be
A terrible mistake.
Just when I've found love.
But love is scary.
Love is so scary...
When you've been hurt so badly . . .




Thursday, January 21, 2016

My Own Shrink and Bartender (sonnet)

Midnight passes, but I simply can't sleep.
I'm longing for a sense of simple peace.
My mind is a fog and my thoughts are deep.
I know just the thing to bring some release!
Off to the fridge, I throw open the door.
Vodka and rum, juice and some mixers too ...
I'm not even sure what I'm looking for.
All I know is that these feelings are through!
I grab a tumbler and fill it with ice,
Grasp a bottle and then another one,
Can't wait to feel how it goes down so nice,
But I can't say I'm having any fun -- 
Trying to stop all that I remember.
Tonight I'm my own shrink and bartender.