Did God let you into heaven
After all the things you said and did?
Did you make your peace with Him
And others you were angry with?
I know you liked to place the blame
On others for your deeds.
You always counted on someone else
To meet you wants and needs.
You bitched and moaned
About all the ways that life was so unfair . . .
So I'm just wondering,
When I get to heaven,
Will I get to see you there?
You put me down and kicked my ass
Whenever you got the chance.
But treated me so nicely now and then
If others gave a public glance.
I never knew quite what to expect,
So I 'm just wondering now,
Did you fall on your knees and repent
Before taking your final bow?
I never got the chance to say
That I forgave you for all you'd done.
You always said I was your first true love,
That I was your "only one."
Was I the only one you used and abused
And then threw away like trash?
Was I the only one you ravished
And viciously fucked up the ass?
Was I the only one you taunted,
Was I the only one you broke down,
Was I the only one you made fun of
When you traipsed around the town?
Did you ever feel a bit of remorse
For any of the things you said and did?
Did you ever feel guilty for leaving me
A single mom, alone, to raise our kids?
I can't say that I blame you
For being mad with me at times.
You said I believed in a God who couldn't hear;
That my hymns were just useless rhymes.
You tore apart my favorite hymnal,
Like you shredded my wounded heart.
You left everything around you in tatters,
Beaten and torn apart.
Still, I can't help but wondering,
'Cause I do believe in forgiveness and all,
If you ever felt the need to pray,
Did you take the time to call
On a God you said was pointless,
And a faith you said was for the weak?
Was there ever a time you asked God for help,
Was there even a small prayer you'd speak?
Yes, I loved you so much, darling ...
That's why I stayed so long and tried.
That's why I prayed so hard,
No matter how much I cried.
So tonight, I sit and wonder,
For I've no good way to tell,
Did God let you into heaven,
Or are you wandering in hell?
