Wednesday, September 9, 2020

Nobody Cares (poem)

 


Echoes wander through the empty halls
Strange cries and moans bouncing off the walls
Doors close and open, as if on command.
Daylight fades to darkness in this world of the damned.
What crime did they commit to be sentenced here?
What have they done that society should fear?
We are different in soul, so that makes us unique
And most don't understand the language that we speak.
Memories of bondage within these shadowy confines
Professional and personal, the staff blurred the lines.
Touching us in secret when they thought no one could see
Violating every part of us, and that included me.
Wagering against all odds that we would stay insane,
They played their hand too poorly to win at the game.
For although we were the "cast asides,"
The shattered souls and jilted brides,
We had our strengths and sense of pride,
And that they underestimated.
They could not see our will to live,
To try to forget, to heal and forgive,
To catch memories flowing through each mind's sieve,
Our thoughts were never communicated.
We spoke through wandering, vacant eyes.
We screamed by refusing their puddings and pies.
We knew that within them were just more meds,
That filled our brains with thunder and fogged up our heads.

And yet, they said, we had to stay
They claimed there was no other way
To calm the crazy out of us
Who rode the slightly shorter bus.
But were we less human than those of them
Who pointed their fingers, time and again?
Were we less worthy of love and affection?
Didn't we deserve more than creepy correction?
What had we done to deserve this foul jail?
Was there some test we'd unknowingly failed?

Though it's decades ago, I cannot shake the stench
Of the hypocrisy from each orderly and wench
Who shoved pills down our throats till we wanted to hurl
All the while telling us we're what's wrong with the world.
And taking advantage of our time of need,
Leaving our hearts and souls out to bleed.
They stole from my youth what was precious and dear
And left in its place torrid mem'ries and fear.

How I wish I could find them and lock them up there,
Throw away the key, and not even care.
For to them I was only a file number
Who was either awake or deep within slumber.
Did I remember to toilet? Did I take a shower?
Did I show up for group at the recommended hour?
They didn't care if they were helping me at all.
Their persistent abuse drove me up the wall.

If I wasn't crazy when I first went through that door,
I sure was when I left, more than ever before.
They made me believe I would never be "right,"
They taught me there's no point in putting up a fight.
The borrowed from my dreams and left me nightmares,
But then again, the whole world's like that . . .
For nobody cares. 




Sunday, January 12, 2020

Did God Let You Into Heaven? (poem)


Did God let you into heaven
After all the things you said and did?
Did you make your peace with Him
And others you were angry with?

I know you liked to place the blame
On others for your deeds.
You always counted on someone else
To meet you wants and needs.

You bitched and moaned
About all the ways that life was so unfair . . .
So I'm just wondering,
When I get to heaven,
Will I get to see you there?

You put me down and kicked my ass
Whenever you got the chance.
But treated me so nicely now and then
If others gave a public glance.

I never knew quite what to expect,
So I 'm just wondering now,
Did you fall on your knees and repent
Before taking your final bow?

I never got the chance to say
That I forgave you for all you'd done.
You always said I was your first true love,
That I was your "only one."

Was I the only one you used and abused
And then threw away like trash?
Was I the only one you ravished
And viciously fucked up the ass?
Was I the only one you taunted,
Was I the only one you broke down,
Was I the only one you made fun of
When you traipsed around the town?

Did you ever feel a bit of remorse
For any of the things you said and did?
Did you ever feel guilty for leaving me
A single mom, alone, to raise our kids?

I can't say that I blame you
For being mad with me at times.
You said I believed in a God who couldn't hear;
That my hymns were just useless rhymes.
You tore apart my favorite hymnal,
Like you shredded my wounded heart.
You left everything around you in tatters,
Beaten and torn apart.

Still, I can't help but wondering,
'Cause I do believe in forgiveness and all,
If you ever felt the need to pray,
Did you take the time to call
On a God you said was pointless,
And a faith you said was for the weak?
Was there ever a time you asked God for help,
Was there even a small prayer you'd speak?

Yes, I loved you so much, darling ...
That's why I stayed so long and tried.
That's why I prayed so hard,
No matter how much I cried.

So tonight, I sit and wonder,
For I've no good way to tell,
Did God let you into heaven,
Or are you wandering in hell?