Clearly, I Remember (song)

(Lyrics from the song "Just a Little Bit" performed by Maria Mena)

Just a little bit stronger
Just a little bit wiser
Just a little less needy
And maybe I'd get there
Just a little bit pretty
Just a little more aware
Just a little bit thinner
And maybe I'd get there

Clearly, clearly I remember
Hiking up my skirt
And asking for your time
Clearly, clearly I remember
Nervous if ever confronted
And questioning myself

Oh perhaps, perhaps if I got better
Perhaps if I challenged myself
Perhaps if I was...
Just a little bit stronger
Just a little bit wiser
Just a little less needy
And maybe I'd get there
Just a little bit pretty
Just a little more aware
Just a little bit thinner
And maybe I'd get there

Clearly, clearly I remember
Pulling up my shirt
And staring blank ahead
Clearly, clearly I remember
Days of useless crying
And almost feeling dead

Oh perhaps, perhaps if  I was smaller
Perhaps I could control myself
Perhaps if  I was...
Just a little bit stronger
Just a little bit wiser
Just a little less needy
And maybe I'd get there
Just a little bit pretty
Just a little more aware
Just a little bit thinner
And maybe I'd get there . . .

Fragile but Free (song)

(Lyrics from the song "Fragile" performed by Maria Mena)

I've been walking around all day,
Thinking.
I think I have a problem --
I think I think too much.
I've been taught to hold back my tears,
And avoid them.
But you make pain into something I could touch.

I've been walking around all day,
Laughing.
I think I'd be better off without you here.
And I bet you're sweet and hard to get over.
So I'll cry and people will stop and stare.
Now that's okay.
Let them stop and stare.

Cause I am fragile.
I am hopeless.
I'm not perfect.
But I am free.

I've been walking around all day,
Waiting.
And waiting is all I seem to do.
Cause I never get it unless I'm fed it.
But this time I'll just have to.
Yeah, this time I'll just have to.

And I'm fragile.
I am hopeless.
I'm not perfect.
But I am free.

Say you're not around,
Am I finished?
If you're not around, that's too bad.
Hope youre safe and sound, not alone now.
Cause you know I believe in you.

I'm still fragile,
I'm still hopeless,
I'm not perfect,
But I am free.

I Feel Like a Shadow (song)

(Lyrics from the song "Shadow" performed by Maria Mena)

I wish you'd see it in my face
But I'm caught up in those long lost days
And how can I even make you see
When I don't even know me
Following my footsteps home
This time I'm walking all alone
Trying hard to be someone I don't even know

I feel like a shadow
Walking behind who you think I am
Just like my shadow
Wanting to see the sun again
I'm your shadow
And I'm lost
Just like my shadow

Thought I'd like me bright and new
But my candle burned out long before you
Now I'm the one whose got to pay
I'm finding me a better day
Following my footsteps home
This time I'm walking all alone
Trying hard to be someone I don't even know

I feel like a shadow
Walking behind who you think I am
Just like my shadow
Wanting to see the sun again
I'm your shadow
And I'm lost
Just like my shadow

Sunlight is my life
I can hardly comprehend
Sunlight is my life
I cannot understand

I feel like a shadow
Walking behind who you think I am
Just like my shadow
Wanting to see the sun again
I'm your shadow
And I'm lost
Just like my shadow

Thank You for Asking (song)

(Lyrics from the song "A Few Small Bruises" performed by Maria Mena)

Out here on the ledge,
I'm not far away from stepping off.
I've finally picked out my cloud --
It's the one over there,
Surrounded by all that air.
You reached out your hand
And said, "I understand,
So why not come down?"

Well, except for a few small bruises, cuts, and scars
Well I'm fine.
Oh, except for a few small bruises,cuts, and scars
Well I'm fine.
Thank you for asking!

I'm so glad we had this moment here.
I know they think I'm crazy,
But everything I am is everything I was taught to be.
And you reached out your hand,
And said, "I understand,
So why not come down?"

Oh, except for a few small bruises, cuts, and scars
Well I'm fine.
Oh, except for a few small bruises, cuts, and scars
Well I'm fine.

Oh, and as you read my words out loud,
Make me sound genius,
Make me sound special,
And maybe I'll come down . . .

Well, except for a few small bruises, cuts, and scars
Well I'm fine.
Well, except for a few small bruises,cuts,and scars
Well I'm fine.

Oh, and as you read my words out loud,
Make me sound genius,
Make me sound special,
And maybe I'll come down . . .

Beauty From Pain (song)

(Lyrics to the Song by Superchick)

The lights go out all around me

One last candle to keep out the night

And then the darkness surrounds me

I know I’m alive but I feel like I’ve died

And all that’s left is to accept that its over

My dreams ran like sand through the face that I made

I try to keep warm but I just grow colder

I feel like I’m slipping away

After all this has passed,

I still will remain.

After I’ve cried my last,

There’ll be beauty from pain.

Though it won’t be today,

Someday I’ll hope again,

And there’ll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me

The best I can do is just get through the day

One life before is only a memory

I wonder why God lets me walk through this place

And though I can’t understand why this happened

I know that I will when I look back some day

And see how you’ve brought beauty from ashes

And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed,

I still will remain

After I’ve cried my last,

There’ll be beauty from pain

Though it won’t be today,

Someday I’ll hope again

And there’ll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain

Here I am at the end of me

Trying to hold onto what I can’t see

I forgot how to hold on
This night's been so long

I cling to Your promise, there will be a dawn . . .

Frustration (acrostic poem)

Fighting an unseen foe,
Racing time, when you cannot outrun it.
Using what's left of your sanity,
Still losing all touch with humanity.
Trying to masquerade in a world where
Really, you do not belong.
Always banging your head on the wall,
Til life holds no meaning at all.
Inside, a war silently rages.
Outside, you paste on a smile.
Never reveal how you feel, for even awhile.

Flashback Bonus Award (poem)

Explore, you say . . .
I must walk down the old paths
Before I can conquer the new.
Experience, you say . . .
I must process the pain
And wade through the muck
That is me.

Peel off the bandages, you say . . .
I must open yesterday's wounds
Before they can heal.
Expose my soul, you say . . .
Don't be afraid to let it bleed --
It might be just what I need,
So don't be afraid to feel.

Face my fears, you say . . .
I must open every door
Before I can be whole.
Gather up the memories
That I swept under the bed.
Tear down the cobwebs
That are clogging up my head --
It's time for Spring cleaning
In my soul.

Blinding light
Searing pain
Images of perverse terror
Crushing my chest
As if I'm really there.

My heart races
Like a runaway train,
As I clench my teeth
Again and again,
Trying to rid my throat
Of the taste of fear.

Sweat runs in rivulets
Down the small of my back
As I brace myself
For the next attack --
It always gets worse
Before it gets better,
So you say . . .

The room starts to swim
As the lights go dim,
And unspeakable horrors
Swirl before my eyes . . .
It is really no surprise.

After all, I knew it was there,
I just didn't know exactly what
Or how, or when --
Wasn't it bad enough
That I had to go through it
Then?

No, for I am a winner,
And behind door number two
Is my prize --
I get to relive it
All over again.