Flashback Bonus Award (poem)

Explore, you say . . .
I must walk down the old paths
Before I can conquer the new.
Experience, you say . . .
I must process the pain
And wade through the muck
That is me.

Peel off the bandages, you say . . .
I must open yesterday's wounds
Before they can heal.
Expose my soul, you say . . .
Don't be afraid to let it bleed --
It might be just what I need,
So don't be afraid to feel.

Face my fears, you say . . .
I must open every door
Before I can be whole.
Gather up the memories
That I swept under the bed.
Tear down the cobwebs
That are clogging up my head --
It's time for Spring cleaning
In my soul.

Blinding light
Searing pain
Images of perverse terror
Crushing my chest
As if I'm really there.

My heart races
Like a runaway train,
As I clench my teeth
Again and again,
Trying to rid my throat
Of the taste of fear.

Sweat runs in rivulets
Down the small of my back
As I brace myself
For the next attack --
It always gets worse
Before it gets better,
So you say . . .

The room starts to swim
As the lights go dim,
And unspeakable horrors
Swirl before my eyes . . .
It is really no surprise.

After all, I knew it was there,
I just didn't know exactly what
Or how, or when --
Wasn't it bad enough
That I had to go through it
Then?

No, for I am a winner,
And behind door number two
Is my prize --
I get to relive it
All over again.