For You, I Will (poem)

(to my daughter)

I cannot bear the thought
Of baring all
I'll stumble and I'll falter,
Then I'll fall
I cannot find the words
To tell my pain
I shudder when I think
Of going there again

But for you, I will.

I cannot find a soul
That knows the way
I cannot stretch the funds
Another day
I cannot beg for help
And swallow pride
I cannot let them see
The scars inside

But for you, I will.

I cannot prove the sum
Of what has been.
I can't remember
Just exactly when.
I cannot face the words
"No one would stay.
If it were true
You would have gone away."

But for you, I will.

I cannot play
If I don't know the rules
I cannot win
If I don't have the tools.
I cannot trust my life
To someone else.
I cannot take a risk
And trust myself.

But for you, I will.

I cannot stand this pain
Another day.
I cannot make the madness
Go away.
I cannot fill out one more
Stupid form.
I cannot wake up
One more early morn.

But for you, I will.

I cannot reach beyond
The world I know.
I cannot step in faith
And just let go
I cannot trust
That it will be okay
I cannot hope
There'll be a brighter day

But for you, I will.

When is it my turn? (poem)

Watching my children

Playing tag

And running free

No longer captive,

They have let go of fear;

They can play happily.

When is it my turn?

When will I feel free?

Contagious giggles

As they swing

Through the air

They forget the pain

So quickly

And move on without a care

When is it my turn?

When do I get to play?

They see new faces

They make new friends

And they start a game

Never asking "Can I trust you?"

"Is this safe?"

Just, "What's your name?"

When is it my turn?

When will I trust a friend?

Stubborn stomping

Screaming, shouting,

"It's all your fault. It's not fair.

I don't want a bath.

I don't wanna go to bed.

And I HATE YOU, so THERE!"

When is it my turn?

When do I get to scream at the world?

At night when shadows hover

They find refuge

In mother's warm embrace;

A prayer for their fears,

A tissue for their tears,

And a kiss upon each face.

When is it my turn?

When will I be comforted?

Tiny toes tucked snugly

Beneath wayward blankets

A teddy bear clutched to the chest

No more nightmares,

No more monsters,

All is peaceful as they rest.

When is it my turn?

When will I sleep without waking in terror?

Now the thunder rolls

And rages through

The inky dark of night

As the sky pours out

Its woeful tears

To dampen all in sight.

When is it my turn?

When do I get to be angry?

When do I get to cry?

In the morning

Off to school they'll go

To learn and understand

All their questions

Will be answered

If they only raise their hand.

When is it my turn?

When will I get answers?

Wings of Prayer (poem)

Lord, I give you my burdens.
Carry them far from me
On wings of prayer.
You are a mighty God,
Far stronger than I,
And this is more than I can bear.

Yet I will praise you;
I will continue to trust
That you have a purpose and a plan.
Even in the midst of agony,
My soul will find rest
In the palm of your hand.

Teach me to wait for you patiently,
To trust you completely,
To share you unashamedly,
And to serve you wholeheartedly.
Even in my darkest hour,
May the light of your presence
Shine in my eyes.

Give me a smile
When all I can find are tears.
Give me a song
When all I can feel are fears.
Give me a heart filled with love
When I want to hate.

Pull out by the root
Any stubborn bitterness
Lurking in my soul.
Lord, heal me,
Cleanse me,
Renew me,
And make me whole.