Trouble with an overflowing email inbox of novel-length communications? Try setting the following as your email auto-responder (at the very least you may get someone to LOL):
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Dear Friend, Family Member, Loved One, and/or Business Associate:
Thank you for your email, which, if it is under 5 sentences long, I have read and will eventually reply to.
Owing to the large volume of email I'm receiving at this time, please note that if your email was longer than 5 sentences it may take me up to 14 days to respond to your email (if I respond at all).
In the interim, please rest assured that I am attempting to address, resolve, or think about the matter you have described (unless I'm avoiding it altogether).
On rare occasions, I may respond almost immediately to emails that are shorter than 5 sentences with a one or two word response. Here is a guide to those responses:
LOL: I am laughing out loud at the humor or sheer stupidity of the matter about which you wrote.
Haha! : see LOL
Thank you: Thank you
Yes: I approve of, agree with, or give consent to that which you have written.
No: I do not approve of, agree with, or give consent to that which you have written.
Boo : I am palpably disappointed and/or trying to scare you.
PPPSSEO5SIL: Please, please, please stop sending emails over 5 sentences in length.
Should you receive one of these 1 or 2 word responses, please do not read anything into it. More often than not, such responses may not even correspond to the content of your email.
Thank you for your anticipated cooperation & understanding in this matter.
[Your Name]
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