Do you need to LOL? (funny pictures montage)

You know how they say a picture says a thousand words?  

These pictures should cause a thousand laughs!

And last but not least, please don't die laughing . . . especially not here . . .

Email Auto-Responder (humor)

Trouble with an overflowing email inbox of novel-length communications? Try setting the following as your email auto-responder (at the very least you may get someone to LOL):
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Dear Friend, Family Member, Loved One, and/or Business Associate:

Thank you for your email, which, if it is under 5 sentences long, I have read and will eventually reply to.

Owing to the large volume of email I'm receiving at this time, please note that if your email was longer than 5 sentences it may take me up to 14 days to respond to your email (if I respond at all).

In the interim, please rest assured that I am attempting to address, resolve, or think about the matter you have described (unless I'm avoiding it altogether).

On rare occasions, I may respond almost immediately to emails that are shorter than 5 sentences with a one or two word response. Here is a guide to those responses:

LOL: I am laughing out loud at the humor or sheer stupidity of the matter about which you wrote.

Haha! : see LOL

Thank you: Thank you

Yes: I approve of, agree with, or give consent to that which you have written.

No: I do not approve of, agree with, or give consent to that which you have written.

Boo : I am palpably disappointed and/or trying to scare you.

PPPSSEO5SIL: Please, please, please stop sending emails over 5 sentences in length.

Should you receive one of these 1 or 2 word responses, please do not read anything into it. More often than not, such responses may not even correspond to the content of your email.

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation & understanding in this matter.

[Your Name]

I'll See You in the Funny Papers!

I've learned recently that one of the secrets to surviving in difficult situations is learning to laugh at what sometimes isn't funny.  Laughing decreases tension and releases endorphins (natural chemicals in your brain that help you feel better) -- and truthfully, it's often more socially acceptable to have yourself a quiet little chuckle than to curl up in a fetal position and ball your freaking eyes out.  Additionally, cartoons and comics have traditionally been a way for certain groups of people to communicate information.  So, in the spirit of that . . . here are my choices for today (February 11, 2011) . . .  See you in the funny papers!

Z's are important things.  Take good care of them.  I've been told there aren't too many genuine Z's left! And hey, who said being last was the worst.  Maybe the last is the best.  After all, I recall hearing something about "the first shall be last and the last shall be first" or something along those lines.   

Friends are like keys -- pretty tough to get through life without them.  Keep them close by!

The world has woken up.  It smells the coffee.  The question is, now what the hell do we do?

ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS save your receipts . . . it's like the 11th commandment!

If you can't learn from others' mistakes, you'd better at least be able to learn from your own.

In my case, sometimes it takes a great deal of mistakes before the whole "learning" thing takes place. 

Doesn't matter whether it's Mom, Dad, or Uncle Sam, sooner or later the truth will be made known.
Be sure your sin will find you out . . . so why DO we spend so much time talking about the weather?

A diploma is just a piece of paper that says you put in your time in an institution of some sort.  It doesn't prove that you actually learned anything.  I've known homeless bums with 3rd grade educations that had a better handle on life than the most highly-educated PhDs.  There's smart, and then there's "street smart."  And for most, to one degree or another, there is simply SURVIVAL . . . survival of the fittest . . . and in general, those who are "fit to survive" are the ones who can balance common sense with formal education. 

How come when people get stuck in a rotten situation they stand around waiting for someone to magically rescue them?  News flash people -- unless you have a filthy stinkin' rich family that can pay your way out of trouble, you better learn how to dig your own way out of the holes you get yourself into.  Lassie's pretty busy these days -- and not all that reliable anyhow!

• Rule numero uno: You can't help anybody else until you help yourself.  So don't go throwing your shoulder out in your next snowball fight.  You might need that arm for something -- like giving a hurting person a hug!

• Rule numero dos: Even counsellors need counselling.  Everybody has to have somebody to dump on.  That's what makes the world go around . . . that and money . . . and I suppose some people would say love . . . I say phooey to THAT!  Love, shmove . . .