A Pool Full of Glue

My alarm reminds me that I must hurry
I chase away thoughts of going back to sleep.
Try as I might, I can't help but worry.
This day could be joyous or trouble so deep.

I dress in the dark so as not to wake hubby,
And kiss his warm cheek there,
So rosy and chubby.
How I wish I could stay there and snuggle all day.
But the clock says I cannot,
And time whisks me away.

Making coffee, making lunch.
Hear the cereal go crunch.
I'm not hungry, but I munch,
Forcing food inside my mouth
And praying it stays south and
Doesn't come back up to visit.
That's not a very nice thought,
Is it?

I put on a new shade of lipstick
And carefully coif my hair.
I've already donned my new outfit,
And I pray nobody will stare.

What little speck of confidence
I had found hidden in the corner of my soul
Is now cowering in the corner with my mountain of fears;
I'm left feeling helpless and far less than whole.

Who's supposed to teach the Teacher
How to stand up straight and tall?
Who protects the poor Professor
When she can't find her way at all?

But I lecture brilliantly,
Pass out tests, and collect exams.
Nobody would have the slightest clue
Of the nervous wreck that I am.

When I pass my colleagues in the hallway,
I smile. I wave. I nod.
But they must know I'm a fraud.
Surely they can see right through me
And smell my insecurity?

I try my best all day
To put forth confidence and swagger,
But truth be told I'm not feeling it,
And I've never been a bragger.

As the day drags on,
I can't wait to crawl home
And curl up on my bed
With a beer.
Noone can stare at me here.
I won't feel all this fear.
I won't wonder if I'm doing
All the things right.
All the time.

I'm so tired of putting on
A brave face.
Or slapping on a smile and pretending
I belong in that place.

I feel like an imposter.
I feel like a fake.
I feel like people are watching
Each move that I make.

I feel so alone there
Like everyone but me knows what to do
And I'm just swimming in the deep end
Of a pool full of glue.