A Moment to Remember (sonnet)

I pause here a moment to remember
All the babies I never got to hold,
And with a mother's love, warm and tender,
I ponder memories that won't grow cold.
Though they never even had a name,
Though their lungs took nary a single breath,
Yet still I wept and mourned each one the same,
And felt the stinging pain of ev'ry death.
Knowing that a child had grown there within,
One that would never see the light of day;
Knowing its little life would ne'er begin
Caused me pain that will never go away.
As eight balloons float to the skies above,
I pray they'll know they'll always have my love.

Alone in a Crowd (sonnet)

"Those who want friends must show themselves friendly,"
That mantra I heard whenever I asked
Why playmates were few and issues many.
Making connections was such a hard task.
Just when I thought there was someone to play,
Just when I let down my guard just a bit,
For some unknown reason they went away,
Leaving me wondering why I don't fit.
I am an island, I guess you could say,
Alone in a crowd that walks right on by.
The only ones who care are ones I pay
With money or stories of days gone by.
No one could ever see past all my scars.
Guess I'll just sit here and stare at the stars.

I Will Not Throw in the Towel (sonnet)

Although right now I have no idea how,
I may bend here and there, but I won't break.
I'll honor my promise, I'll keep my vow.
I'll be careful with the choices I make.
I will clean up my house, clean up my act,
And I'll find a way to keep on going.
I'll fight and strive to keep my Self intact,
I will be all-seeing and all-knowing.
No excuses, I've used up my chances,
And I cannot afford to blow this now.
No should haves, could haves, or backward glances,
I'll push on even though I don't know how.
I have three huge reasons to get this right.
I will not throw in the towel tonight!

Is It Okay? (Sonnet)

Is it okay for me to feel joyful?
Is it okay for me to feel pleasure?
Is it okay for me to say I'm full
When my stomach's had more than its measure?
Is it okay for me to cry sometimes,
Even if I don't know why I'm crying?
Is it okay, for no reason or rhyme,
To feel at times like I'm almost dying?
Is it okay for me to feel confused?
Is it okay to not know what to do,
To be sick of always being abused?
Is it okay to just be who I am?
Is it okay that I don't understand?

Fighting Feelings with Fire (sonnet)

Numb to all feeling and dead to the world,
Asleep or awake, it does not matter.
A flag of surrender has been unfurled.
The bustle around me is just chatter.
I long to feel alive, long to feel real,
But I fear that I will feel the wrong thing,
And what will I do with the things I'd feel,
The emotions that come with remem'bring.
Burning within me lies a strong desire
To find some meaning, to find some purpose,
But you can't fight feelings by adding fire,
And covering scars with scars makes things worse.
What on earth is it that I'm searching for?
God please, I don't want to hurt anymore.

Rise Above (sonnet)

Clouds threaten as the darkness fills the sky,
And raindrops fall like feathers on the wind.
I fight to hold back tears, but don't know why
The sadness overtakes me once again.
My future's looking bright, and so I know
I should be filled with joy with each new day.
I can't forget the pain that plagues me so;
Why can't the stupid mem'ries go away?
I try to see the sunlight through the rain,
The pot of gold at ev'ry rainbow's end,
But still I'm left to wonder once again
If loneliness will always be my friend.
One day I know I'll rise above this mess,
If I rejoice more and remember less.

The Memories Reappear (sonnet)

A trigger, the memories reappear,
As clear as if I were still there that night.
Awash in the horror, terror, and fright,
I'm held tightly in the choke hold of fear.
I hear the pitter patter down the hall
Of little feet, and hear a tiny voice.
I cannot answer, cannot speak at all;
It's then I wish I had some other choice.
"Where ARE you, Mom? What are you hiding for?"
I wish that I could run and hold him close,
And save him from this scene he's seen before,
This evil that I've come to dread the most.
There's nothing I can do, I cannot speak.
Oh how on earth could I have been so weak?

Running Away (poem)

Warming my soul with a glass of champagne,
I float away to a land of sweet peace. 
Drowing the memories, drowing the pain,
Finding a small way to find some release.
Is it very wrong to not want to feel?
Is it so horrible to run away?

I took some cash. And I took a trip.
I just had to get away from all the shit.
I got a hotel room and locked myself in.
Is wanting to get drunk a forgivable sin?

I drank til I puked, and then I drank more.
I drank til I could barely crawl across the floor.
I drank til the pain was a distant memory.
I drank til I forget all the shit you did to me.

Flat Broke (sonnet)

What do you do when you are "all grown up"
And you still don't know what you want to be?
What do you do when you just don't know what
To do when you are screwed financially?
You can run like a chicken beheaded
And try to find a better paying job,
But still they arrive, those bills you've dreaded,
And the "saints" seem as absent as their God.
You can ask for more hours (good luck with that),
You can try to sell stuff in a flier,
But still the fact remains that you're broke (FLAT) --
It's no surprise the situation's dire.
Where do you go? Who do you ask for help?
It feels like you're all alone, by yourself.

Just ONCE (sonnet)

Just ONCE I'd like to have enough money
To pay all the bills that are due on time.
I worry so much that it's not funny --
The stress of it all but consumes my mind.
Why is it that certain people are born
Into wealth they have done nothing to earn?
Working for peanuts, to them that's foreign,
And they always have lots of cash to burn.
They have no idea what it's like to stress
Over late paychecks, overdrafts, and such.
They've never had to worry or obsess
About their budget or finances much.
They say that happiness cannot be bought,
But having what we need would help a lot!
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