Just let me be . . . (rambling poem of sorts)

The pain shoots straight through my head
From one side to the other
I can't even tell my mother
How it feels
How I'm scared
So unprepared.
I'm so tired of leaving
And never getting to go back.
Can't this be the place
I get to stay?
Can't this still be home?
Can't I finally be home?
Is that too much to ask?
Who do you ask
For permission to rest?
I cannot rest.
I must fight this.
But the pain . . .
I've had pain before.
I know what to do with pain.
So what if it's here again.
So what if it never leaves.
Just don't make me leave.
I want to stay.
I want to play.
I want to be.
Just be me.
So what if I can't hold a job.
So what if I can't hold a thought.
so what if I can't remember what I've sold
Or what I've bought.
So what if I put my coffee in the fridge
To heat it up.
At least I knew
To put it in a cup.
so what if I feel like crying
that doesn't mean I feel like dying.
So what if I don't know who
Or what to trust
don't just let me rust.
Just let me be.
Just let me be. 
Please, dear God,
Just let me be.