That was a long time ago, wasn't it?

Illustration by Robert P. Hernandez

 

That was decades ago, wasn't it,

When I learned that fear was my friend?

That was many, many moons ago, wasn't it,

When my hopes and dreams found their end?

That was an eternity ago, wasn't it,

When I couldn't tell a soul the naked truth?

That was forever ago, wasn't it,

When I struggled just to evade that wicked brute?

That was a coon’s age away, wasn't it,

When I couldn't didn’t dare to cry, or scream, or howl?

That was a long time ago, wasn't it,

When I gave up and threw in the towel?

That was eons ago, wasn't it,

When I begged to die, but knew I somehow woudn’t?

That was quite a while ago, wasn't it,

When I stopped keeping track because I couldn't?

That was a lifetime ago, wasn't it,

When I found a way to put the secrets in a box,

And hide them away for later years of regretting?

That was YEARS and YEARS ago, wasn't it,

When I knew that mere survival meant forgetting.

I am so different now, aren't I?

I tell myself I am, so I must be.

But what if I am not as different

As I tell myself I am?

What if I have only learned to shut it off?

The screams I could not scream,

The tears I could not cry,

The rage I could not express,

The darkness I could not explain,

The beginnings I could not prevent,

And the ends I could never understand.