A Slippery Slope (article)

Domestic Abuse victims and survivors are heavy on my heart today . . . for many of us, it snuck up on us slowly -- sometimes because we had difficult childhoods and thought we didn't deserve to be treated with love and respect. For me, it was way to easy to let abusive words and behaviors sneak up on me . . . it didn't happen overnight . . . but the end result was a heart that sometimes still feels broken and maybe will always feel somewhat vulnerable.  I was lucky enough to find help, but not before I spent 15 years in hell.

If any of the 'stages' below sound vaguely familiar to you, please wait to reach out to SOMEONE and get help! If you are being abused, get out NOW if you can!

*You say to yourself, "I'll leave if he pushes me around and belittles me." He pushes you around and belittles you, but you stay because "it's not all *that* bad -- it could be worse, right?"

*You say to yourself, "If he ever cheats on me, then I'll leave. He brings home someone else and forces you watch him being intimate with someone else in YOUR living room, but you stay because "it's not all *that* bad -- it could be worse, right?"

*You say to yourself, "I'll leave if he breaks the furniture."  He stomps a laundry basket into smithereens right in front of your children, but you stay because at least it wasn't you or the kids he was hurting (for now); and you try to convince yourself that "it's not all *that* bad -- it could be worse, right?"

*You say to yourself, "I'll leave if he ever hits me." He hits you, but you still don't leave.  By now you have children together, and it's just too difficult to leave.  You're afraid of starting over.  You're afraid of the unknown. Where would you go?  What would you do? So you stay with him because "it's not all *that* bad -- it could be worse, right?"

*You say, "If he ever leave marks or bruises, then I'll leave."  He leaves marks and bruises on your body, but in places nobody else can see, so you let it slide by.  You start to stay home more.  You're keeping his secret.  You start to feel ashamed of what he is doing, as though it is somehow YOUR fault that you are being abused. So you stay with them because "it's not all *that* bad -- it could be worse, right?"

*You say to yourself, "If they ever leave marks and bruises on my *face,* then for *sure* I'll leave."  They choke you until you pass out, there are bruises all over your neck and face, and you've probably got some mild brain damage from being without oxygen for a couple minutes.  But by now you're too scared to leave because he says if you try to leave, he will kill you ... or worse still, that he'll tell the authorities that *you* have been abusive to your children. You're afraid they'll believe him and not believe you. You're terrified of losing your children.  You're paralyzed by fear and slowly turning into a shadow.  But still you stay.  You don't know what else to do. After all, "it's not all *that* bad -- it could be worse, right?"

6. You say, "If he ever threatens me with a weapon, then for SURE I'll leave."  He comes into your bedroom with a butcher knife and on another occasion threatens to shoot you with a shotgun.  By now you're numb and you don't even notice.  All you can do is try to survive one more hour,  one more day, one more week, one more year . . . and the years go by . . .

Don't be the frog that is put into a kettle of plain, cool water while the burner under the pot gets turned up little by little.  The poor frog doesn't jump out of the pot, because the heat is turned up so very gradually that it doesn't notice the change in temperature until the water is boiling (and, of course, the frog is dead). 

Don't be another statistic . . . Jump out of that kettle and GET HELP NOW, before it's too late!