I Can't Go There Again (sonnet)

The pressure's building til I feel I'll burst.
I'm fighting it, but don't know if I can
Resist the urge to wallow in the worst
Of who and what I think and feel I am.
I know, deep down, that healing's what I need,
But, oh my God, I can't go there again.
The thought of it just makes me want to bleed;
I haven't felt this bad since way back when.
I never want to feel out of control
The way I did when I first started on
This journey to the center of my soul.
What if I get there just to find I'm gone?
I almost wish I really were insane.
I'd rather that than face this wretched pain.

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Artwork used by permission of the talented artist
April Mansilla. View and purchase her artwork HERE

Out of Reach (sonnet)

My future freedom hovers just beyond,
With promises of joy I’ve never known,
Or did I know it once, but now it’s gone,
Like innocence, a bird that’s long since flown.
Do I remember feeling happiness?
Can I recall the warmth of being held
And comforted with gentle tenderness,
Before the chains of shame were all I felt?
Will I someday reclaim that part of me
That trusted once, and dared to still believe?
Is this forever what my lot shall be,
To reach for what I fear I can't achieve?
I long to break these bonds, but could it be
That love, in truth, is but a fantasy?

Yes Sir, Yes Ma'am (sonnet)

Yes Sir, Yes Ma’am, I promise that I won’t
Betray the way that you’ve betrayed my trust.
Although I’ve tried to understand, I don’t,
But I will still survive, do what I must.
Within the maze of questions I can’t face,
I’ll wander ‘til I find a way to cope.
I’ll hide away within a quiet place,
Abandon all my dreams, and give up hope.
There is no rationale behind this ache,
No reason I can find for this to be.
Why would you steal what wasn’t yours to take,
And leave behind this empty shell of me?
Perhaps in time, I’ll make some sense of this,
‘Til then I’ll just pretend nothing’s amiss.
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Artwork used by permission of the talented artist
April Mansilla. View and purchase her artwork HERE.

No One's There to Hear (sonnet)

I tried to scream, but no one heard a thing
Because I couldn’t make a single sound.
Sometimes the stifled roars of rage still ring
Inside my ears, when nobody’s around.
The tears won’t fall, although I beg them to.
There are no words to capture what I feel.
I wish someone could tell me what to do
With all the things my memories reveal.
Is it okay for me to let this out,
Or should I hide inside like yesterday?
I want to hate, I want to scream and shout,
But no one’s there to hear me anyway.
I guess I’ll cope the only way I know,
And pray the pain within me doesn’t show.



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Artwork used by permission of the talented artist
April Mansilla. View and purchase her artwork HERE.

A Fairy in the Field (sonnet)

Her locks aloft, like flowing streams of silk,
Float freely in the breeze and linger there.
She dances through the grass, her bosom filled
With innocence and wonder, unaware.
Her pure imagination running wild,
A fairy in the field, she passes by.
Alive with joy, at heart a happy child,
Naïve and unafraid, she greets the sky.
No worry weighs her shoulders down today,
No sorrow yet to penetrate her mirth.
Content, she chases beams of light that play
Among the flow’rs that grace the barren earth.
An angel, not yet fallen, she is free,
For she knows not tomorrow what will be.

Better the Devil I Know (acrostic sonnet)

Despite my firm resolve to be aware,
Each time I look within it seems I find,
Voiced by the parts of me forgotten there,
I hear the echoed mem'ries in my mind.
Like ghostly apparitions they appear.
I see them stepping toward me, one by one.
Do I ignore them now that they are here,
Or delve right in until the deed is done?
No matter how I strain to see defined
The cloudy bits and pieces stashed away,
Kept secret by the guards I left behind,
No clearer do I see than yesterday.
"Of course, it's nothing new," I hear them say.
We'll just keep hoping it all goes away.