Empty Advice (sonnet)

"Just think of your priorities," you say.
"Just mother all your children; you know how.
You've come too far to throw it all away.
The worst is past, and you'll find your way now."
What do you even know about my hell?
Were you there when he screwed me like a dog?
Have you ever been too frightened to tell?
Have you lived fifteen years in a dense fog?
"Just focus on your future," so you say.
"Forget the old ways of doing things now.
You have a bright mind, so you'll find a way,
You left because he hurt you anyhow."
Your words, they felt as cold as winter ice.
Thanks, but no thanks, for your empty advice.

My Private Hell (Acrostic Sonnet)

Can water flowing to the sea be still?
Are birds in flight allowed to take a rest?
Neither shall I of torment have my fill
Til every woe of mine with blood is blessed.
So many years with crimson I've shut out
The demons all around that had no name.
Obeying rules I didn't know about,
Put under some odd spell, I drowned in shame.
More comforting than Mother's loving kiss,
Yet somehow still as poison to my soul.
Surrender to the call, while knowing this,
Each healing wound is far beyond control.
Let no one enter in my private Hell,
For I have hidden all the scars too well.

I Can't Go There Again (sonnet)

The pressure's building til I feel I'll burst.
I'm fighting it, but don't know if I can
Resist the urge to wallow in the worst
Of who and what I think and feel I am.
I know, deep down, that healing's what I need,
But, oh my God, I can't go there again.
The thought of it just makes me want to bleed;
I haven't felt this bad since way back when.
I never want to feel out of control
The way I did when I first started on
This journey to the center of my soul.
What if I get there just to find I'm gone?
I almost wish I really were insane.
I'd rather that than face this wretched pain.

-----------------------------------------------

Artwork used by permission of the talented artist
April Mansilla. View and purchase her artwork HERE