Flickering Faith (sonnet)

Every day feels like a million long years,
And sleep runs away from me in the night.
I wish I could cry, but can't find the tears.
I'm weary from war and fresh out of fight.
My bones throb, my heart aches, and my soul groans.
I'm sick and tired of being such a blob.
Maybe he was right -- when we were alone
He said I'd always be a lazy slob.
My will power is all but depleted,
My faith flickers like an old candle lamp.
Don't want to admit that I'm defeated,
But I can't rally the soldiers from camp.
The gen'ral doesn't seem to have a plan,
And it seems all the troops turned tail and ran.

Broken . . . and Glowing? (freewrite)

A while back, I had bought the kids some of those neon "glow sticks" at the dollar store. They were excited to get them out of the package, but my daughter took one look at hers and tossed it on the floor in disgust. "Mommy, mine doesn't work," she said, "It doesn't glow at all.'

"Sure it does," I assured her, and proceeded to take the tube and bend it back and forth along the length of it to break the glass to release/commingle the chemicals.

"Stop, Mommy!" she exclaimed as she heard the snapping and cracking noises from the glass shattering inside, "you're BREAKING IT!"

I explained to her that the only way to get it to glow is to "break it" on the inside.

Before long, all 3 of them were dancing around waving the brightly colored "wands" in the air, making various shapes and designs.

I couldn't help but think that sometimes I, like my duaghter, shudder when the things around me "shatter."

"Stop it, Lord," I protest, "You're breaking me!"

Who knows, maybe I'm a little like those goofy little plastic toys -- the only way God could get me to "glow" was to "break me on the inside" a little.

This Bitter Cup (sonnet)

You're all I've got in this crazy old world,
The only one who listens day and night.
But are You there? Are my prayers even heard?
Can I still trust that You will do what is right?
The way is dark, the night, oh so long,
And no one walks beside me through the fire.
I try to trust that You can right what's wrong,
But all my strength is gone; my children tire.
I've heard someone proclaim: "God's safe to trust.
Life's hard, but God is good - His word is true."
I cannot carry on, but know I must
Keep trying, though I don't know what to do.
Please help me, Lord, I feel like giving up.
Give me the strength to drink this bitter cup.

Whatever It Takes (freewrite)

Today I've been thinking of some of my all-time favorite Bible passages:

"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.' "
Matthew 11:28-30 (New Living Translation)

"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10

"Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior ... You are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you. Do not be afraid, for I am with you. From eternity to eternity I am God. No one can snatch you out of my hand."
Isaiah 43: 1-5, 13 (New Living Translation)

 I'm beginning to be convinced that God allows difficult or traumatic circumstances in our lives to draw us close to Him and KEEP us there.

You see, I am and have always been, a VERY stubborn, independent person. My pride and desire to be self-sufficient have gotten me into trouble more times than I like to admit.

In my late teens, rather than ask for help when I didn't have money for rent and car insurance, I compromised my moral standards and betrayed the very essence of who I was simply to 'pay the bills.' Why? I was too proud to admit that I couldn't do it myself.  I'm sure my parents would have gladly helped me out (had I let them know that I was struggling financially), but I didn't even give them that opportunity. 

Later, when I found myself in a difficult relationship, I ignored the warnings of those whose wisdom I SHOULD HAVE trusted, and got married anyway. I don't know what I was trying to prove, but I certainly wasn't about to admit that I'd made a mistake in entering into the relationship in the first place. After all, I thought I was a grown woman, and I simply would not tolerate anyone telling ME how to live my life. That included God (at that particular time in my life, at least).

If things had been more of a "bed of roses" from that point on, I might have simply continued to manage everything on my own -- completely unwilling to surrender to the sovereignty of God. After all, what would I have needed Him for?  It was only when life knocked me flat on my face that I was forced to look up and rekindle a faith that had grown cold.

If I had never had to scrimp and save, never wondered how the bills would get paid, and never had to do without or make sacrifices, I might never have learned to trust Him as Jehovah-Jireh, my Provider.

If I had never been shamed, brutalized, and wounded inside & out, I might never have learned to rely on Him as Jehovah-Rapha, my Healer.

If I had never wandered through a maze of confusion and manipulation, I might never have learned to count on my Shepherd, Jehovah-Ra-Ah, for guidance and direction.

If I had never been paralyzed by terror, tormented by guilt, consumed by worry, or frustrated by injustice, I might never have learned to rest in the peace that Jehovah-Shalom alone can provide.

If I had never suffered agonizing loss after agonizing loss, I might never have learned to lean on Him as the divine Comforter.

If I had never felt trapped and alone in the depths of darkness, I might never have searched for the divine illumination that only the Light of the World can give.

If I had never been completely exhausted and utterly spent -- physically, spiritually, and emotionally, I might never have experienced the incredible rejuvenation found only in El Shaddai (Almighty God, the Strength Giver).

Maybe the Lord knew that the only way to keep me

close to Him was to strip me of everything else.

Perhaps He knew that if my life were too 'easy,' I would rely on myself instead of trusting in Him. It's quite possible that God either directly sent me problems or allowed certain difficulties in my life for the specific purpose of bringing me to my knees at the foot of the Cross ..... And KEEPING ME THERE.

And you know what? MOST of the time, I'm quite okay with that (I do have my moments of questioning and doubting like everyone else does). I'd rather go through hell on earth with Jesus by my side than live a life of ease without Him.

Which reminds me of the words to a great 'old' gospel song (youtube video is below the lyrics):

Whatever It Takes
There's a voice calling me
From an old rugged tree
And He whispers, 'Draw closer to Me;
Leave this world far behind,
There are new heights to climb,
And a new place in Me you will find.'

For whatever it takes to draw closer to you, Lord,
That's what I'll be willing to do.
For whatever it takes to be more like You,
That's what I'll be willing to do.
Take the dearest things to me,
If that's how it must be,
To draw me closer to Thee;
Let the disappointments come,
Lonely days without the sun,
If through sorrow more like You I'll become.

For whatever it takes to draw closer to you, Lord,
That's what I'll be willing to do.
For whatever it takes to be more like You,
That's what I'll be willing to do.

Take my houses, my lands,
Change my dreams, change my plans
For I'm placing my whole life in Your hands;
And if You call me today to a place far away
Lord, I'll go, and Your will I'll obey.

For whatever it takes to draw closer to you, Lord,
That's what I'll be willing to do.
For whatever it takes to be more like You,
That's what I'll be willing to do.
I'll trade sunshine for rain, comfort for pain --
That's what I'll be willing to do.
For whatever it takes for my will to break,
That's what I'll be willing to do.

Words and Music by Lanny Wolfe

Holding Each Other Up (article)

Recently, I've had a few friends that have been dealing with some very, very difficult circumstances in their lives -- chronic physical ailments, stressful family problems, severe economic hardships, etc.    I myself have been struggling to keep my head above water. 

At times, I feel ill-equipped to offer any words of wisdom or come up with any concrete solutions. But I've made it a point to be AVAILABLE to my friends, to pray for them, and to let them know that I love them, that God loves them, and that we're all in this together. I've also been trying to "tune in" to the Holy Spirit's "still small voice" . . . . learning to listen for those gentle nudgings, uneasy feelings, or moments of inspiration. I've been so blessed when I choose to follow the Lord's leading when He prompts me to do or say something.

Tonight, for some silly reason, this one particular story from the Bible came to mind. It's found in the Old Testament; Exodus chapter 17 to be exact. I had no idea why this story crossed my mind until I reread it in the Bible and realized what a powerful message this short story has. So, naturally, I just "had to" share what I discovered with ya'll :o)
A Little Background:

Moses had led the children of Israel out of slavery in Egypt. They'd been wandering around in the wilderness for YEARS, complaining about EVERY little thing. They didn't like the food. They didn't like the water. They didn't like sleeping in tents . . . and the list went on and on. 

God had promised them a new land -- Canaan. But before they could take possession of the land, they had to face some enemies.

"At the Lord’s command, the whole community of Israel left the wilderness of Sin and moved from place to place. Eventually they camped at Rephidim. While the people of Israel were still at Rephidim, the warriors of Amalek attacked them. Moses commanded Joshua, “Choose some men to go out and fight the army of Amalek for us. Tomorrow, I will stand at the top of the hill, holding the staff of God in my hand.” So Joshua did what Moses had commanded and fought the army of Amalek. Meanwhile, Moses, Aaron, and Hur climbed to the top of a nearby hill. As long as Moses held up the staff in his hand, the Israelites had the advantage. But whenever he dropped his hand, the Amalekites gained the advantage. Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset. As a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle. After the victory, the Lord instructed Moses, “Write this down on a scroll as a permanent reminder.” "
Exodus 17: 1, 8-11 NLT (New Living Translation)

Now, here's the amazing parallel to some situations that some of my friends and I have been dealing with:

Just as the Israelites had been freed from slavery in Egypt, we who are believers have been rescued from the bondage of sin. We've left the "desert of Sin" behind, and we're wandering through life, from one place to another, on our way to the "promised land" in Heaven. For those of us who were in abusive relationships, it almost felt like slavery.  To finally be "free" from that bondage and still be struggling with "enemies" such as memories, etc. can be rather disheartening at times.

I'll be the first to admit that I complain a great deal. I don't think I'm alone in that. As a human race, by in large, we're a bunch of complainers. We don't like being sick. We don't like being in pain. We don't like losing loved ones. We don't like worrying about money problems. We don't like dealing with heartache. We don't like our jobs (or, on the flip side, we don't like LOSING our jobs). And, honestly, we're not always that thrilled about our living arrangements either (but hey, it could be worse -- at least we're not living in tents like the Israelites were).

I don't mean to trivialize any of these things we're going through - - they're not small things to us, to others, OR TO GOD. I'm simply drawing the parallel between the way we often RESPOND to these situations and the way that the Israelites responded to their circumstances.

And then, to top it all off, just when we think we've almost reached the end of our journey, we get attacked. Some of us are besieged by a physical problem . . . or two . . . . or fifty. For others, our family situation is beyond insane. Most of us are struggling with economic hardship. Sometimes it seems like everything gets thrown at us at the same time.

I noticed a couple things about this story:

a) The way in which the battle was fought, and
b) The outcome of the battle.

First I put myself in Moses' position. God had given him the power to control the outcome of the battle. Whenever he raised the staff in his arms toward heaven, the army triumphed.

I know INTELLECTUALLY that God has promised that I can conquer the enemy (the devil) through the power of Christ Jesus. On my own, I know I'm nothing. But when I reach heavenward, I know that I can be victorious. I can see the results right in front of me on the "battlefield" of life. When I lift up the problems to the Lord, I gain victory. When I try to find my own solutions . . . not so successful. So I try my very best to keep looking up and to keep on fighting.

Even so, there are times when, just like Moses, I am totally drained -- physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually. I simply can't go on. All the willpower in the world isn't going to budge me. Totally exhausted, I collapse and consider throwing in the towel.

Here's the part of the story that gets me so excited . . .

What happened when Moses' strength failed? Did the Israelite army give up and beat a hasty retreat? Did the people around him scold him for being weak? Did his friends tell him that if only he would "pray harder" that everything would all work out in the end? 
No, ma'am.

His friends:
a) saw that his strength was failing,
b) found him a safe place to rest,
c) stood beside him through the conflict, and
d) HELD HIM UP until their opponents had been defeated.

I have been so fortunate to have friends that have seen me falter now and then and have reminded me that it's okay to LET MYSELF CATCH MY BREATH. They've lifted me up in prayer, time and time again. But even more than that, they've shown by their specific ACTIONS (whether it be arranging a ride for me, sending me an encouraging email, giving me a check to help cover expenses, or calling me "just to say hi") that they are right there beside me "on the hill," holding me up while the chaos swirls all around me.

Then I thought about the story from Aaron's and Hur's perspectives. I've been there too. I've seen war raging in the lives of friends or family members. Honestly, I'll admit that I've been overwhelmed and often felt under-qualified for the task of helping them out. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. Besides, sometimes it appears that they're having some degree of success off and on . . . and it seems that they're gaining some ground.

But then I see them fall, and I have to make a decision . . . What do I do now?

Do I pretend I don't SEE?

Do I shuffle them off onto somebody else because I don't want to be bothered?
(After all, I've got enough of my OWN problems to deal with. I don't have time for this.)

Do I listen to them a bit, but then dismiss their pain, tell them to stop whining about their life, and just put on their big girl panties & deal with it?

One reason this story was so encouraging to me was because it showed me that I don't have to know HOW God is going to gain the victory in my life or in someone else's life. All I need to know is that God's the one with the power and He holds the future in His hands.

Aaron and Hur didn't understand how God's power was flowing through Moses. It must have looked pretty silly to see this old man standing up there on top of the hill waving a stick in the air -- but there's no mention of them questioning the strategy (or seeming lack thereof). They simply went to Moses' side, helped him sit down and rest, and HELD HIM UP through the remainder of the assault, trusting that the outcome was up to God.

What did I learn from this story?

• Life isn't fair. It will get messy. Sometimes I'm going to have to fight my way through.
• As long as I continue to reach heavenward and rely on the Lord, He will give me the ability to deal with anything that comes my way. God will give me the victory.
• There will be times when my strength will give out. Resting is not admitting defeat.
• When I fall, I need to be willing to ALLOW others to hold me up.
• When I see others fall, I need to be ready and willing to go to their side and HOLD THEM UP.
• Sometimes, when the Lord works a miracle and wins a mighty victory, it's a good idea to write it down so you don't forget it.

Dear Lord,

Help me to be ever watchful of those who may be weak and need someone to help hold them up for awhile. And help me not to be so proud that I refuse the help that others offer me when I'm the one in need of assistance. Please help me remember that we're all in this together. We're all brothers and sisters in the Lord. Not one of us is better or worse than another. In your eyes, we are all precious. I thank you and praise you for giving us the VICTORY over sin. Guide us as we navigate this treacherous wilderness of life, and lead us safely to that glorious promised land in Heaven, I pray.

In Jesus' name,
Amen

Is Abuse God's Way of Punishing Someone?

Okay, so I know this maybe sounds like an odd topic for a blog post, but I must admit that I seriously thought for years that my ex-husband's abuse was God's way of punishing me for past sins.  After 3 or 4 years of abuse, though, I began to wonder, "haven't I suffered enough already?  At what point have I sufficiently "paid the price" for my sins?"  It's not that I didn't believe in Jesus and his saving atonement on the cross.  I did.  I truly believed that I had been forgiven for my sins.  However, I had been raised to believe that there are natural consequences for all of one's choices -- i.e. "you reap what you sow." 

Let's go back a few years.  You see, in my late teenage years, I wasn't exactly walking with the Lord as I should have been.  I was "sowing my wild oats," so to speak.  I wasn't doing drugs or anything like that, but pretty much anything else that you can think of . . . drinking, smoking, sex, etc.  You might say I was a "bad girl."  So when I first met my ex-husband, he and I were a perfect match (of sorts).  He was a party animal and I liked to party.

Fast forward 3-4 years.  At this point, the abuse in my marriage had already gotten fairly severe and frequent.  I remember thinking to myself, "what have I done to deserve this?"  And then my conscience would kick in and say, "you're just reaping what you've sown."

I remember praying and sobbing before the Lord, begging for Him to release me from what I felt was the "curse" of my sin.  I spent hours reading the scriptures, desperately seeking an answer to the question of why I was still suffering as I was.  The only conclusion that I could come to at that time was that either:
a) God didn't exist,
b) God didn't care, or
c) God wasn't powerful enough to do anything about it.

I did eventually come to some sort of an "understanding" with God.  I wouldn't question why He was allowing the suffering and He would keep me from losing my marbles.  Over the years, Jesus grew to be a very close friend (often my only friend) and I depended on Him for my very survival.

Now fast forward even farther to today.  Our pastor has been preaching a series of sermons on God's will.  Specifically, the topic this morning was a continuation of last week's sermon about how God allows suffering and even PUNISHES His children to keep them in line.  There were the necessary scriptures read to support this.  The topic piqued my interest, so I spent the better part of the afternoon searching through an online concordance reading everything I could in the Bible about suffering and punishment.  I had some questions, such as:

Does God "punish" sinners and 'saints' alike?  Does God punish anyone and everyone?  Is suffering a result of sin?  Is suffering something we should be thankful for (because it causes us to "lean on God" more & brings us closer to him)? and several others.  The first few verses that I considered were:

Hebrews 12:5-11 New Life Version (NLV)"Do you remember what God said to you when He called you His sons? “My son, listen when the Lord punishes you. Do not give up when He tells you what you must do. The Lord punishes everyone He loves. He whips every son He receives.” Do not give up when you are punished by God. Be willing to take it, knowing that God is teaching you as a son. Is there a father who does not punish his son sometimes? If you are not punished as all sons are, it means that you are not a true son of God. You are not a part of His family and He is not your Father. Remember that our fathers on earth punished us. We had respect for them. How much more should we obey our Father in heaven and live? For a little while our fathers on earth punished us when they thought they should. But God punishes us for our good so we will be holy as He is holy. There is no joy while we are being punished. It is hard to take, but later we can see that good came from it. And it gives us the peace of being right with God." (so does this mean God was using the abuse to teach me something?  Was I THAT slow of a learner that it took 15 years for me to "get it" or what?)

and Revelation 3:19New L ife Version (NLV)
"I speak strong words to those I love and I punish them." (So God DOES punish those He loves.)

and Hebrews 12:25 New Life Version (NLV)
"Be sure you listen to the One Who is speaking to you. The Jews did not obey when God’s Law was given to them on earth. They did not go free. They were punished. We will be punished more if we do not listen to God as He speaks from heaven."

The more I thought about it, I'm wasn't so sure I even wanted to know a God like that.  Those verses made it sound like God is just waiting for us to mess up so He can pummel us. 

Then in John 10:28 New Life Version (NLV), I read:
"I give them life that lasts forever. They will never be punished. No one is able to take them out of My hand."

and in Romans 1:16 New Life Version (NLV), I read:
"I am not ashamed of the Good News. It is the power of God. It is the way He saves men from the punishment of their sins if they put their trust in Him."

So how is it that God can both punish us and save us from punishment? 

The Old Testament wasn't too helpful:

Naomi proclaimed in Ruth 1:21 - “The All-powerful has allowed me to suffer.”  Job complained in
Job 7:3 - “I am given months of pain and nights of suffering for no reason.”

And no less than a dozen times in Leviticus and Numbers does it say that one will "suffer for their own sins."

So does that mean that suffering indicates sin in one's life?  But how can that be?  Job, according to the Bible, was a righteous man. 

The Psalms were a mixed bag:

Psalm 1:5 “So the sinful will not stand. They will be told they are guilty and have to suffer for it. Sinners will not stand with those who are right with God.”  (sounds like it's only the "sinners" that suffer)

Psalm 9:9 “The Lord also keeps safe those who suffer. He is a safe place in times of trouble.” (so if only the sinners suffer, why would God keep them safe?  Apparently, the righteous suffer as well.  Either way, where was God when I was suffering?  He certainly wasn't keeping me safe.)

Psalm 9:12 “For He Who punishes for the blood of another remembers them. He does not forget the cry of those who suffer.”  (I don't recall him punishing my ex for what he did.  And he certainly didn't listen to my cries -- at least not right away.)

Psalm 12:5 “Because of the suffering of the weak, and because of the cries of the poor, I will now rise up,” says the Lord. “I will keep him safe as he has wanted to be.”  (Yeah, again, I don't recall God keeping me safe.)

Psalm 22:24 “For He has not turned away from the suffering of the one in pain or trouble. He has not hidden His face from him. But He has heard his cry for help.”  (Sure.  Like I buy that one.  Many years I prayed and cried for help, and God never did a doggone thing to help me.)

Psalm 73: 13-14: "For no good reason I have kept my heart pure and have not sinned. For I have suffered all day long. I have been punished every morning." (That's how I felt.  That I had returned to the Lord, changed my ways, repented of my sins, and STILL I was being "punished" by my Ex's abuse day after day.)

Psalm 88:15 “I have been troubled and near death since I was young. I have suffered Your punishment. And I cannot win.”  (What a GEM of a verse.  Here is David, of whom God said "He's a man after my own heart" admitting that God has punished him and essentially saying that he "gives up.")

Psalm 90:15 “Make us glad for as many days as You have made us suffer, and for the years we have seen trouble.”  (another winner from David -- so we're supposed to rejoice in the fact that God makes us suffer and causes us years of trouble?)

Psalm 107:6
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble. And He took them out of their suffering.

Psalm 107:13
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble. And He saved them from their suffering.
Psalm 107:19
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble. And He saved them from their suffering.

(Those 3 are virtually identical.  God saves us from our suffering?  Maybe so, but apparently, God's "rescue" is on His timing and not ours.  And in some cases, I guess His "rescue" may not ever come in this lifetime.  Some seemingly innocent and good and even Godly people live their whole lives with physical illness and trials and the only escape they get is when they die.)


Psalm 119:66-67 - "Teach me what I should know to be right and fair for I believe in Your Law. Before I suffered I went the wrong way, but now I obey Your Word."   (That sounds like me when I first began to realize that maybe the abuse was a result of my earlier sins, so I changed my ways and began "obeying the word."   It didn't matter one bit.  The terror went on as usual.)

Psalm 119:153 "Look upon my suffering and take me from it. For I do not forget Your Law."  (That sounds like some of the bargaining that I did with God along the way.  "Why, Lord, why?  I'm following You word, I'm doing what's right now.  Why is my suffering still continuing?")

I won't bother listing the rest of the verses that say pretty much the same thing.  I used to read them over and over again, desperately wanting to believe that this GREAT GOD I served was going to come and rescue me.

Well, He did, but ironically in the form of a Jewish agency.   And it only took Him 14-15 years to get around to doing it.  But I did learn some lessons along the way.  Lessons that I probably wouldn't have learned any other way.  And now I can relate to others who have suffered under similar circumstances that I never could have empathized with before. 

I suppose it sounds like I've completely given up on my faith.  That's not true.  I do have a solid faith in an Almighty God.  I just don't always understand His ways or His timing.  And I may not ever understand what He's up to until I get to Heaven.  If there is a Heaven (I'm only kidding).  One thing I'm sure of . . . there is a Hell . . . and I've lived in it . . .

Lord, Hold Me (Sonnet)

Lord, you've brought me this far, so now I trust
That You'll carry me the rest of the way.
I'm trying so hard to do what I must
To make it through each dreary, weary day.
I don't want to fail You now by falling,
But some days it's ever so hard to stand.
So now on Your Holy Name I'm calling,
Begging You to steady me with Your hand.
I need Your power now more than ever,
For the gates of hell rattle, oh so loud.
Did I think I'd make it this far? Never.
Yet I'm ashamed and anything but proud.
Lord, hold me in Your precious arms tonight,
And help me not to give up on this fight.

I Traveled Among You (sonnet)

I traveled among you for thirty years --
We shared stories, we shared wine, we shared bread.
You saw my joy and you witnessed my tears.
You knew I had no place to rest my head.
I never had a home to call my own.
My family preferred to think me dead.
Ignored by most, I often felt alone.
You listened, but rarely heard what I said.
At times my mission seemed quite clear to me,
While at others I doubted who I was.
The crowds clamored for miracles to see --
They asked, "How does he do what he does?"
So many blessings for you to receive;
Yet you had to see the scars to believe.

Was This the Only Way? (sonnet)

Gut wrenching sobs from the pit of my soul,
I try to stop, but the tears still flow on.
Feels like I'm broken in two, never whole,
All the days since my children have been gone.
I pray, but my prayers bounce right off the wall.
I beg and I plead for God to hear me.
I wish I could protect them from this all,
What I wouldn't give to have them near me.
But God is asleep, or maybe He's deaf,
Or maybe He just simply doesn't care.
I've cried til I haven't any tears left,
But it hasn't gotten me anywhere.
What is it that You're trying to teach me?
Was this the only way You could reach me?

Somewhere, Someday, Somehow (sonnet)

Somewhere out there is there a man, like me,
Who seeks a mate to complement his soul.
Somewhere out there is someone who could be
The other half of me to make a whole.
Somewhere out there could be just the someone
I've never met, but yearned for all my life.
Someday perhaps, my loneliness all done,
I'll take my place as someone's cherished wife.
Somehow, maybe, God's will includes a mate,
A character that just might match with mine.
Someday, perhaps, if it is not too late,
I'll find the man for me, by God's design.
Somewhere, someday, somehow, if it's to be,
I'll find the one that God's prepared for me.

The Storm's Increased (sonnet)

I saw a lighthouse drawing me to shore,
A beacon of hope lit my shadowed path.
Distraught, I prayed in anguish to the Lord,
"Please let this storm I'm fighting be the last."
The thunder raged about me 'round the clock,
The waves came up and over on the deck.
I felt my ship pulled near the jagged rocks,
Yet still I clung to hope and craned my neck --
Yearning for a glimpse of the distant shore,
Longing to be rescued from all the pain,
Buffeted by gales I couldn't ignore,
Drowning in bucketfulls of pouring rain.
Just when I thought I'd find a resting place,
The storm's increased and trashed my flimsy faith.

No Point Wasting Time (sonnet)

Do raindrops drizzling wish that they were snow?
Do snowflakes swirling wish that they were rain?
Does thunder ever care to even know
From where on earth it's booming power came?
Does the water flowing downstream ask where?
Does the seed that's aloft the breeze know why?
Does the child at its mother's bosom care?
If they have no worries, then why should I?
Not even a single sparrow that falls
Is unseen by my Father's watching eyes,
He hears each fallen creature as it calls,
Our mournful tears to Him are no surprise.
So let life carry you where e'er it may.
No point wasting time on worry today.

Let Hope Carry You (sonnet)

Hope can be a very powerful thing --
It can lift up a weary, sagging soul,
It can give a grounded spirit new wings,
It can make a wounded heart feel more whole.
Hope is a light in the darkest of nights,
A banner that waves over the lonely,
A beacon that beckons toward the light,
Reminding you that you're not the only
One who feels doubtful, exhausted, and down.
Hope is a bubble to keep you afloat,
A faithful friend that always comes around,
In life's mournful song, it's a cheery note.
Let hope carry you beyond your wishes,
To something your dreams will find delicious!

A Longing for Heaven (sonnet)

When questions line up like soldiers in line
To take their shot at my crumbling resolve,
When each day seems lacking sufficient time,
And the problems seem too many to solve,
When the worries press and the cares distress,
When the bills are many and checks are few,
When all of life seems a big, jumbled mess,
And I seldom seem to know what to do,
When I fall to the floor on shaking knees,
When I cry to the sky without reply,
When I beg of God, and even say please,
And yet still don't have the answer to "why?"
That's when I cling to promises He's giv'n.
That's when I feel a longing for heaven.

Leaning on the Lord (sonnet)

Just put one foot in front of the other,
And just take one little step at a time.
Trust your subtle instincts as a mother,
Tell yourself, "ev'rything will be just fine."
Just wake up each and every morning,
And with a genuine smile, greet the day.
With each sunset as the daylight's fading,
Say, "we will all make it through this okay."
Never doubt God's power for a second,
Never falter from the path He shows you.
Never linger when His Spirit beckons,
Don't forget He made you and He knows you.
You'll find answers; keep trusting in His word.
You'll find comfort; keep leaning on the Lord.

I Do Not Have the Answers (sonnet)

I do not have the answers for all this,
So many questions left for me to face.
I will not ever get back what I've missed,
I don't know how I'll make it through this place.
Sometimes it feels my prayers bounce off the wall,
I wonder if God even hears me cry.
I sometimes question if He's there at all,
When I can't seem to find a reason why
The things I love the most have been taken.
The darkest night seems even darker still.
My faith has oh so soundly been shaken,
But continue to trust in Him, I will.
I cannot see beyond this awful pain,
But I will praise you, Lord, despite the rain.

Through the Cracks (sonnet)

Sometimes you have to find a way to grow,

To bloom where you can find a place to be,

To push your way through from way down below,

To find a way to let yourself be free.

It takes a little bit of stubbornness

To persevere when life is at it's worst,

To let your heart believe in openness,

When all you see is hopelessness at first.

Let hope spring up and chase the dark away,

Let faith begin to nibble at your doubt,

Let life renew itself in you today,

And banish ev'ry evil thought without.

Blossom where you're planted, and come what may

You'll find a way to make it through the day!

All Sorts of "Friends" (sonnet)

I see only Darkness, as I look on;
A fog of Unknown, Unheard, and Unseen.
Pity's potholes fill the road walked upon,
And Hope gets lost so easily between.
Like a frightened child, I look all around
For someone who's willing to be my guide,
Someone to lift my feet up off the ground,
Someone to walk faithfully by my side.
Injustice waves a hand in the cold air
And volunteers to share my lonely path.
Depression tiptoes in out of nowhere,
And Doubt races to me through the high grass.
I'm not alone, I have all sorts of "friends."
It's this blasted journey that never ends.

If I Can Dare to Dream (sonnet)

If I can dare to dream a dream so small,
Though some might think my goals are somewhat strange,
Some might not think this is a dream at all --
My circumstances to be rearranged.
If I can find a way to just hold on
A little while longer, then I just might
Find a small ledge that I can sit upon
Until I find my way through this dark night.
My prayers are not unanswered, this I know,
My heav'nly Father hears each time I cry.
He'll show me down which path I need to go,
And lead me to a safe place, by and by.
If only I can cling to His strong hand,
Someday He'll lead me to the Promised Land.

Mind over Matter (sonnet)

Take a deep breath and learn to let it go.
I can't change it, so why should I give in?
Inhale deeply and then let it out slow.
I refuse to let frustration begin.
I'll shred up paper and make a collage.
I'll take a hot bath and forget this grief.
I could make do with a decent massage,
My suff'ring is limited by belief.
So I will shake off the shawl of sadness,
And I will put on a garment of praise.
The enemy has failed with this madness,
I am through wasting any more good days.
Mind over matter, and prayer over pain.
I've lost it all, so now it's time to gain.