Great Spirit in the Sky (sonnet and song)

The Great Spirit in the sky watches me.
His eagle flies o'er me with its strong wings.
I see His Spirit in ev'ry tall tree.
I hear His voice in every bird that sings.
I feel His breath as the wind rushes by.
I see His face painted on each flower.
I see His tears fall as rain from the sky.
I sense His presence ev'ry single hour.
He guards each step I take with His strong hand.
He sends me dreams at night to guide my way.
He tells me things I will not understand
Until my soul crosses over someday.
I'm kept by the Great Spirit in the sky.
I am watched over by His loving eye.

This Bitter Cup (sonnet)

You're all I've got in this crazy old world,
The only one who listens day and night.
But are You there? Are my prayers even heard?
Can I still trust that You will do what is right?
The way is dark, the night, oh so long,
And no one walks beside me through the fire.
I try to trust that You can right what's wrong,
But all my strength is gone; my children tire.
I've heard someone proclaim: "God's safe to trust.
Life's hard, but God is good - His word is true."
I cannot carry on, but know I must
Keep trying, though I don't know what to do.
Please help me, Lord, I feel like giving up.
Give me the strength to drink this bitter cup.

Holding Each Other Up (article)

Recently, I've had a few friends that have been dealing with some very, very difficult circumstances in their lives -- chronic physical ailments, stressful family problems, severe economic hardships, etc.    I myself have been struggling to keep my head above water. 

At times, I feel ill-equipped to offer any words of wisdom or come up with any concrete solutions. But I've made it a point to be AVAILABLE to my friends, to pray for them, and to let them know that I love them, that God loves them, and that we're all in this together. I've also been trying to "tune in" to the Holy Spirit's "still small voice" . . . . learning to listen for those gentle nudgings, uneasy feelings, or moments of inspiration. I've been so blessed when I choose to follow the Lord's leading when He prompts me to do or say something.

Tonight, for some silly reason, this one particular story from the Bible came to mind. It's found in the Old Testament; Exodus chapter 17 to be exact. I had no idea why this story crossed my mind until I reread it in the Bible and realized what a powerful message this short story has. So, naturally, I just "had to" share what I discovered with ya'll :o)
A Little Background:

Moses had led the children of Israel out of slavery in Egypt. They'd been wandering around in the wilderness for YEARS, complaining about EVERY little thing. They didn't like the food. They didn't like the water. They didn't like sleeping in tents . . . and the list went on and on. 

God had promised them a new land -- Canaan. But before they could take possession of the land, they had to face some enemies.

"At the Lord’s command, the whole community of Israel left the wilderness of Sin and moved from place to place. Eventually they camped at Rephidim. While the people of Israel were still at Rephidim, the warriors of Amalek attacked them. Moses commanded Joshua, “Choose some men to go out and fight the army of Amalek for us. Tomorrow, I will stand at the top of the hill, holding the staff of God in my hand.” So Joshua did what Moses had commanded and fought the army of Amalek. Meanwhile, Moses, Aaron, and Hur climbed to the top of a nearby hill. As long as Moses held up the staff in his hand, the Israelites had the advantage. But whenever he dropped his hand, the Amalekites gained the advantage. Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset. As a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle. After the victory, the Lord instructed Moses, “Write this down on a scroll as a permanent reminder.” "
Exodus 17: 1, 8-11 NLT (New Living Translation)

Now, here's the amazing parallel to some situations that some of my friends and I have been dealing with:

Just as the Israelites had been freed from slavery in Egypt, we who are believers have been rescued from the bondage of sin. We've left the "desert of Sin" behind, and we're wandering through life, from one place to another, on our way to the "promised land" in Heaven. For those of us who were in abusive relationships, it almost felt like slavery.  To finally be "free" from that bondage and still be struggling with "enemies" such as memories, etc. can be rather disheartening at times.

I'll be the first to admit that I complain a great deal. I don't think I'm alone in that. As a human race, by in large, we're a bunch of complainers. We don't like being sick. We don't like being in pain. We don't like losing loved ones. We don't like worrying about money problems. We don't like dealing with heartache. We don't like our jobs (or, on the flip side, we don't like LOSING our jobs). And, honestly, we're not always that thrilled about our living arrangements either (but hey, it could be worse -- at least we're not living in tents like the Israelites were).

I don't mean to trivialize any of these things we're going through - - they're not small things to us, to others, OR TO GOD. I'm simply drawing the parallel between the way we often RESPOND to these situations and the way that the Israelites responded to their circumstances.

And then, to top it all off, just when we think we've almost reached the end of our journey, we get attacked. Some of us are besieged by a physical problem . . . or two . . . . or fifty. For others, our family situation is beyond insane. Most of us are struggling with economic hardship. Sometimes it seems like everything gets thrown at us at the same time.

I noticed a couple things about this story:

a) The way in which the battle was fought, and
b) The outcome of the battle.

First I put myself in Moses' position. God had given him the power to control the outcome of the battle. Whenever he raised the staff in his arms toward heaven, the army triumphed.

I know INTELLECTUALLY that God has promised that I can conquer the enemy (the devil) through the power of Christ Jesus. On my own, I know I'm nothing. But when I reach heavenward, I know that I can be victorious. I can see the results right in front of me on the "battlefield" of life. When I lift up the problems to the Lord, I gain victory. When I try to find my own solutions . . . not so successful. So I try my very best to keep looking up and to keep on fighting.

Even so, there are times when, just like Moses, I am totally drained -- physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually. I simply can't go on. All the willpower in the world isn't going to budge me. Totally exhausted, I collapse and consider throwing in the towel.

Here's the part of the story that gets me so excited . . .

What happened when Moses' strength failed? Did the Israelite army give up and beat a hasty retreat? Did the people around him scold him for being weak? Did his friends tell him that if only he would "pray harder" that everything would all work out in the end? 
No, ma'am.

His friends:
a) saw that his strength was failing,
b) found him a safe place to rest,
c) stood beside him through the conflict, and
d) HELD HIM UP until their opponents had been defeated.

I have been so fortunate to have friends that have seen me falter now and then and have reminded me that it's okay to LET MYSELF CATCH MY BREATH. They've lifted me up in prayer, time and time again. But even more than that, they've shown by their specific ACTIONS (whether it be arranging a ride for me, sending me an encouraging email, giving me a check to help cover expenses, or calling me "just to say hi") that they are right there beside me "on the hill," holding me up while the chaos swirls all around me.

Then I thought about the story from Aaron's and Hur's perspectives. I've been there too. I've seen war raging in the lives of friends or family members. Honestly, I'll admit that I've been overwhelmed and often felt under-qualified for the task of helping them out. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. Besides, sometimes it appears that they're having some degree of success off and on . . . and it seems that they're gaining some ground.

But then I see them fall, and I have to make a decision . . . What do I do now?

Do I pretend I don't SEE?

Do I shuffle them off onto somebody else because I don't want to be bothered?
(After all, I've got enough of my OWN problems to deal with. I don't have time for this.)

Do I listen to them a bit, but then dismiss their pain, tell them to stop whining about their life, and just put on their big girl panties & deal with it?

One reason this story was so encouraging to me was because it showed me that I don't have to know HOW God is going to gain the victory in my life or in someone else's life. All I need to know is that God's the one with the power and He holds the future in His hands.

Aaron and Hur didn't understand how God's power was flowing through Moses. It must have looked pretty silly to see this old man standing up there on top of the hill waving a stick in the air -- but there's no mention of them questioning the strategy (or seeming lack thereof). They simply went to Moses' side, helped him sit down and rest, and HELD HIM UP through the remainder of the assault, trusting that the outcome was up to God.

What did I learn from this story?

• Life isn't fair. It will get messy. Sometimes I'm going to have to fight my way through.
• As long as I continue to reach heavenward and rely on the Lord, He will give me the ability to deal with anything that comes my way. God will give me the victory.
• There will be times when my strength will give out. Resting is not admitting defeat.
• When I fall, I need to be willing to ALLOW others to hold me up.
• When I see others fall, I need to be ready and willing to go to their side and HOLD THEM UP.
• Sometimes, when the Lord works a miracle and wins a mighty victory, it's a good idea to write it down so you don't forget it.

Dear Lord,

Help me to be ever watchful of those who may be weak and need someone to help hold them up for awhile. And help me not to be so proud that I refuse the help that others offer me when I'm the one in need of assistance. Please help me remember that we're all in this together. We're all brothers and sisters in the Lord. Not one of us is better or worse than another. In your eyes, we are all precious. I thank you and praise you for giving us the VICTORY over sin. Guide us as we navigate this treacherous wilderness of life, and lead us safely to that glorious promised land in Heaven, I pray.

In Jesus' name,
Amen

Is Abuse God's Way of Punishing Someone?

Okay, so I know this maybe sounds like an odd topic for a blog post, but I must admit that I seriously thought for years that my ex-husband's abuse was God's way of punishing me for past sins.  After 3 or 4 years of abuse, though, I began to wonder, "haven't I suffered enough already?  At what point have I sufficiently "paid the price" for my sins?"  It's not that I didn't believe in Jesus and his saving atonement on the cross.  I did.  I truly believed that I had been forgiven for my sins.  However, I had been raised to believe that there are natural consequences for all of one's choices -- i.e. "you reap what you sow." 

Let's go back a few years.  You see, in my late teenage years, I wasn't exactly walking with the Lord as I should have been.  I was "sowing my wild oats," so to speak.  I wasn't doing drugs or anything like that, but pretty much anything else that you can think of . . . drinking, smoking, sex, etc.  You might say I was a "bad girl."  So when I first met my ex-husband, he and I were a perfect match (of sorts).  He was a party animal and I liked to party.

Fast forward 3-4 years.  At this point, the abuse in my marriage had already gotten fairly severe and frequent.  I remember thinking to myself, "what have I done to deserve this?"  And then my conscience would kick in and say, "you're just reaping what you've sown."

I remember praying and sobbing before the Lord, begging for Him to release me from what I felt was the "curse" of my sin.  I spent hours reading the scriptures, desperately seeking an answer to the question of why I was still suffering as I was.  The only conclusion that I could come to at that time was that either:
a) God didn't exist,
b) God didn't care, or
c) God wasn't powerful enough to do anything about it.

I did eventually come to some sort of an "understanding" with God.  I wouldn't question why He was allowing the suffering and He would keep me from losing my marbles.  Over the years, Jesus grew to be a very close friend (often my only friend) and I depended on Him for my very survival.

Now fast forward even farther to today.  Our pastor has been preaching a series of sermons on God's will.  Specifically, the topic this morning was a continuation of last week's sermon about how God allows suffering and even PUNISHES His children to keep them in line.  There were the necessary scriptures read to support this.  The topic piqued my interest, so I spent the better part of the afternoon searching through an online concordance reading everything I could in the Bible about suffering and punishment.  I had some questions, such as:

Does God "punish" sinners and 'saints' alike?  Does God punish anyone and everyone?  Is suffering a result of sin?  Is suffering something we should be thankful for (because it causes us to "lean on God" more & brings us closer to him)? and several others.  The first few verses that I considered were:

Hebrews 12:5-11 New Life Version (NLV)"Do you remember what God said to you when He called you His sons? “My son, listen when the Lord punishes you. Do not give up when He tells you what you must do. The Lord punishes everyone He loves. He whips every son He receives.” Do not give up when you are punished by God. Be willing to take it, knowing that God is teaching you as a son. Is there a father who does not punish his son sometimes? If you are not punished as all sons are, it means that you are not a true son of God. You are not a part of His family and He is not your Father. Remember that our fathers on earth punished us. We had respect for them. How much more should we obey our Father in heaven and live? For a little while our fathers on earth punished us when they thought they should. But God punishes us for our good so we will be holy as He is holy. There is no joy while we are being punished. It is hard to take, but later we can see that good came from it. And it gives us the peace of being right with God." (so does this mean God was using the abuse to teach me something?  Was I THAT slow of a learner that it took 15 years for me to "get it" or what?)

and Revelation 3:19New L ife Version (NLV)
"I speak strong words to those I love and I punish them." (So God DOES punish those He loves.)

and Hebrews 12:25 New Life Version (NLV)
"Be sure you listen to the One Who is speaking to you. The Jews did not obey when God’s Law was given to them on earth. They did not go free. They were punished. We will be punished more if we do not listen to God as He speaks from heaven."

The more I thought about it, I'm wasn't so sure I even wanted to know a God like that.  Those verses made it sound like God is just waiting for us to mess up so He can pummel us. 

Then in John 10:28 New Life Version (NLV), I read:
"I give them life that lasts forever. They will never be punished. No one is able to take them out of My hand."

and in Romans 1:16 New Life Version (NLV), I read:
"I am not ashamed of the Good News. It is the power of God. It is the way He saves men from the punishment of their sins if they put their trust in Him."

So how is it that God can both punish us and save us from punishment? 

The Old Testament wasn't too helpful:

Naomi proclaimed in Ruth 1:21 - “The All-powerful has allowed me to suffer.”  Job complained in
Job 7:3 - “I am given months of pain and nights of suffering for no reason.”

And no less than a dozen times in Leviticus and Numbers does it say that one will "suffer for their own sins."

So does that mean that suffering indicates sin in one's life?  But how can that be?  Job, according to the Bible, was a righteous man. 

The Psalms were a mixed bag:

Psalm 1:5 “So the sinful will not stand. They will be told they are guilty and have to suffer for it. Sinners will not stand with those who are right with God.”  (sounds like it's only the "sinners" that suffer)

Psalm 9:9 “The Lord also keeps safe those who suffer. He is a safe place in times of trouble.” (so if only the sinners suffer, why would God keep them safe?  Apparently, the righteous suffer as well.  Either way, where was God when I was suffering?  He certainly wasn't keeping me safe.)

Psalm 9:12 “For He Who punishes for the blood of another remembers them. He does not forget the cry of those who suffer.”  (I don't recall him punishing my ex for what he did.  And he certainly didn't listen to my cries -- at least not right away.)

Psalm 12:5 “Because of the suffering of the weak, and because of the cries of the poor, I will now rise up,” says the Lord. “I will keep him safe as he has wanted to be.”  (Yeah, again, I don't recall God keeping me safe.)

Psalm 22:24 “For He has not turned away from the suffering of the one in pain or trouble. He has not hidden His face from him. But He has heard his cry for help.”  (Sure.  Like I buy that one.  Many years I prayed and cried for help, and God never did a doggone thing to help me.)

Psalm 73: 13-14: "For no good reason I have kept my heart pure and have not sinned. For I have suffered all day long. I have been punished every morning." (That's how I felt.  That I had returned to the Lord, changed my ways, repented of my sins, and STILL I was being "punished" by my Ex's abuse day after day.)

Psalm 88:15 “I have been troubled and near death since I was young. I have suffered Your punishment. And I cannot win.”  (What a GEM of a verse.  Here is David, of whom God said "He's a man after my own heart" admitting that God has punished him and essentially saying that he "gives up.")

Psalm 90:15 “Make us glad for as many days as You have made us suffer, and for the years we have seen trouble.”  (another winner from David -- so we're supposed to rejoice in the fact that God makes us suffer and causes us years of trouble?)

Psalm 107:6
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble. And He took them out of their suffering.

Psalm 107:13
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble. And He saved them from their suffering.
Psalm 107:19
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble. And He saved them from their suffering.

(Those 3 are virtually identical.  God saves us from our suffering?  Maybe so, but apparently, God's "rescue" is on His timing and not ours.  And in some cases, I guess His "rescue" may not ever come in this lifetime.  Some seemingly innocent and good and even Godly people live their whole lives with physical illness and trials and the only escape they get is when they die.)


Psalm 119:66-67 - "Teach me what I should know to be right and fair for I believe in Your Law. Before I suffered I went the wrong way, but now I obey Your Word."   (That sounds like me when I first began to realize that maybe the abuse was a result of my earlier sins, so I changed my ways and began "obeying the word."   It didn't matter one bit.  The terror went on as usual.)

Psalm 119:153 "Look upon my suffering and take me from it. For I do not forget Your Law."  (That sounds like some of the bargaining that I did with God along the way.  "Why, Lord, why?  I'm following You word, I'm doing what's right now.  Why is my suffering still continuing?")

I won't bother listing the rest of the verses that say pretty much the same thing.  I used to read them over and over again, desperately wanting to believe that this GREAT GOD I served was going to come and rescue me.

Well, He did, but ironically in the form of a Jewish agency.   And it only took Him 14-15 years to get around to doing it.  But I did learn some lessons along the way.  Lessons that I probably wouldn't have learned any other way.  And now I can relate to others who have suffered under similar circumstances that I never could have empathized with before. 

I suppose it sounds like I've completely given up on my faith.  That's not true.  I do have a solid faith in an Almighty God.  I just don't always understand His ways or His timing.  And I may not ever understand what He's up to until I get to Heaven.  If there is a Heaven (I'm only kidding).  One thing I'm sure of . . . there is a Hell . . . and I've lived in it . . .

Lord, Hold Me (Sonnet)

Lord, you've brought me this far, so now I trust
That You'll carry me the rest of the way.
I'm trying so hard to do what I must
To make it through each dreary, weary day.
I don't want to fail You now by falling,
But some days it's ever so hard to stand.
So now on Your Holy Name I'm calling,
Begging You to steady me with Your hand.
I need Your power now more than ever,
For the gates of hell rattle, oh so loud.
Did I think I'd make it this far? Never.
Yet I'm ashamed and anything but proud.
Lord, hold me in Your precious arms tonight,
And help me not to give up on this fight.

No Point Wasting Time (sonnet)

Do raindrops drizzling wish that they were snow?
Do snowflakes swirling wish that they were rain?
Does thunder ever care to even know
From where on earth it's booming power came?
Does the water flowing downstream ask where?
Does the seed that's aloft the breeze know why?
Does the child at its mother's bosom care?
If they have no worries, then why should I?
Not even a single sparrow that falls
Is unseen by my Father's watching eyes,
He hears each fallen creature as it calls,
Our mournful tears to Him are no surprise.
So let life carry you where e'er it may.
No point wasting time on worry today.

Leaning on the Lord (sonnet)

Just put one foot in front of the other,
And just take one little step at a time.
Trust your subtle instincts as a mother,
Tell yourself, "ev'rything will be just fine."
Just wake up each and every morning,
And with a genuine smile, greet the day.
With each sunset as the daylight's fading,
Say, "we will all make it through this okay."
Never doubt God's power for a second,
Never falter from the path He shows you.
Never linger when His Spirit beckons,
Don't forget He made you and He knows you.
You'll find answers; keep trusting in His word.
You'll find comfort; keep leaning on the Lord.

If I Can Dare to Dream (sonnet)

If I can dare to dream a dream so small,
Though some might think my goals are somewhat strange,
Some might not think this is a dream at all --
My circumstances to be rearranged.
If I can find a way to just hold on
A little while longer, then I just might
Find a small ledge that I can sit upon
Until I find my way through this dark night.
My prayers are not unanswered, this I know,
My heav'nly Father hears each time I cry.
He'll show me down which path I need to go,
And lead me to a safe place, by and by.
If only I can cling to His strong hand,
Someday He'll lead me to the Promised Land.