This Bitter Cup (sonnet)

You're all I've got in this crazy old world,
The only one who listens day and night.
But are You there? Are my prayers even heard?
Can I still trust that You will do what is right?
The way is dark, the night, oh so long,
And no one walks beside me through the fire.
I try to trust that You can right what's wrong,
But all my strength is gone; my children tire.
I've heard someone proclaim: "God's safe to trust.
Life's hard, but God is good - His word is true."
I cannot carry on, but know I must
Keep trying, though I don't know what to do.
Please help me, Lord, I feel like giving up.
Give me the strength to drink this bitter cup.

Holding Each Other Up (article)

Recently, I've had a few friends that have been dealing with some very, very difficult circumstances in their lives -- chronic physical ailments, stressful family problems, severe economic hardships, etc.    I myself have been struggling to keep my head above water. 

At times, I feel ill-equipped to offer any words of wisdom or come up with any concrete solutions. But I've made it a point to be AVAILABLE to my friends, to pray for them, and to let them know that I love them, that God loves them, and that we're all in this together. I've also been trying to "tune in" to the Holy Spirit's "still small voice" . . . . learning to listen for those gentle nudgings, uneasy feelings, or moments of inspiration. I've been so blessed when I choose to follow the Lord's leading when He prompts me to do or say something.

Tonight, for some silly reason, this one particular story from the Bible came to mind. It's found in the Old Testament; Exodus chapter 17 to be exact. I had no idea why this story crossed my mind until I reread it in the Bible and realized what a powerful message this short story has. So, naturally, I just "had to" share what I discovered with ya'll :o)
A Little Background:

Moses had led the children of Israel out of slavery in Egypt. They'd been wandering around in the wilderness for YEARS, complaining about EVERY little thing. They didn't like the food. They didn't like the water. They didn't like sleeping in tents . . . and the list went on and on. 

God had promised them a new land -- Canaan. But before they could take possession of the land, they had to face some enemies.

"At the Lord’s command, the whole community of Israel left the wilderness of Sin and moved from place to place. Eventually they camped at Rephidim. While the people of Israel were still at Rephidim, the warriors of Amalek attacked them. Moses commanded Joshua, “Choose some men to go out and fight the army of Amalek for us. Tomorrow, I will stand at the top of the hill, holding the staff of God in my hand.” So Joshua did what Moses had commanded and fought the army of Amalek. Meanwhile, Moses, Aaron, and Hur climbed to the top of a nearby hill. As long as Moses held up the staff in his hand, the Israelites had the advantage. But whenever he dropped his hand, the Amalekites gained the advantage. Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset. As a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle. After the victory, the Lord instructed Moses, “Write this down on a scroll as a permanent reminder.” "
Exodus 17: 1, 8-11 NLT (New Living Translation)

Now, here's the amazing parallel to some situations that some of my friends and I have been dealing with:

Just as the Israelites had been freed from slavery in Egypt, we who are believers have been rescued from the bondage of sin. We've left the "desert of Sin" behind, and we're wandering through life, from one place to another, on our way to the "promised land" in Heaven. For those of us who were in abusive relationships, it almost felt like slavery.  To finally be "free" from that bondage and still be struggling with "enemies" such as memories, etc. can be rather disheartening at times.

I'll be the first to admit that I complain a great deal. I don't think I'm alone in that. As a human race, by in large, we're a bunch of complainers. We don't like being sick. We don't like being in pain. We don't like losing loved ones. We don't like worrying about money problems. We don't like dealing with heartache. We don't like our jobs (or, on the flip side, we don't like LOSING our jobs). And, honestly, we're not always that thrilled about our living arrangements either (but hey, it could be worse -- at least we're not living in tents like the Israelites were).

I don't mean to trivialize any of these things we're going through - - they're not small things to us, to others, OR TO GOD. I'm simply drawing the parallel between the way we often RESPOND to these situations and the way that the Israelites responded to their circumstances.

And then, to top it all off, just when we think we've almost reached the end of our journey, we get attacked. Some of us are besieged by a physical problem . . . or two . . . . or fifty. For others, our family situation is beyond insane. Most of us are struggling with economic hardship. Sometimes it seems like everything gets thrown at us at the same time.

I noticed a couple things about this story:

a) The way in which the battle was fought, and
b) The outcome of the battle.

First I put myself in Moses' position. God had given him the power to control the outcome of the battle. Whenever he raised the staff in his arms toward heaven, the army triumphed.

I know INTELLECTUALLY that God has promised that I can conquer the enemy (the devil) through the power of Christ Jesus. On my own, I know I'm nothing. But when I reach heavenward, I know that I can be victorious. I can see the results right in front of me on the "battlefield" of life. When I lift up the problems to the Lord, I gain victory. When I try to find my own solutions . . . not so successful. So I try my very best to keep looking up and to keep on fighting.

Even so, there are times when, just like Moses, I am totally drained -- physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually. I simply can't go on. All the willpower in the world isn't going to budge me. Totally exhausted, I collapse and consider throwing in the towel.

Here's the part of the story that gets me so excited . . .

What happened when Moses' strength failed? Did the Israelite army give up and beat a hasty retreat? Did the people around him scold him for being weak? Did his friends tell him that if only he would "pray harder" that everything would all work out in the end? 
No, ma'am.

His friends:
a) saw that his strength was failing,
b) found him a safe place to rest,
c) stood beside him through the conflict, and
d) HELD HIM UP until their opponents had been defeated.

I have been so fortunate to have friends that have seen me falter now and then and have reminded me that it's okay to LET MYSELF CATCH MY BREATH. They've lifted me up in prayer, time and time again. But even more than that, they've shown by their specific ACTIONS (whether it be arranging a ride for me, sending me an encouraging email, giving me a check to help cover expenses, or calling me "just to say hi") that they are right there beside me "on the hill," holding me up while the chaos swirls all around me.

Then I thought about the story from Aaron's and Hur's perspectives. I've been there too. I've seen war raging in the lives of friends or family members. Honestly, I'll admit that I've been overwhelmed and often felt under-qualified for the task of helping them out. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. Besides, sometimes it appears that they're having some degree of success off and on . . . and it seems that they're gaining some ground.

But then I see them fall, and I have to make a decision . . . What do I do now?

Do I pretend I don't SEE?

Do I shuffle them off onto somebody else because I don't want to be bothered?
(After all, I've got enough of my OWN problems to deal with. I don't have time for this.)

Do I listen to them a bit, but then dismiss their pain, tell them to stop whining about their life, and just put on their big girl panties & deal with it?

One reason this story was so encouraging to me was because it showed me that I don't have to know HOW God is going to gain the victory in my life or in someone else's life. All I need to know is that God's the one with the power and He holds the future in His hands.

Aaron and Hur didn't understand how God's power was flowing through Moses. It must have looked pretty silly to see this old man standing up there on top of the hill waving a stick in the air -- but there's no mention of them questioning the strategy (or seeming lack thereof). They simply went to Moses' side, helped him sit down and rest, and HELD HIM UP through the remainder of the assault, trusting that the outcome was up to God.

What did I learn from this story?

• Life isn't fair. It will get messy. Sometimes I'm going to have to fight my way through.
• As long as I continue to reach heavenward and rely on the Lord, He will give me the ability to deal with anything that comes my way. God will give me the victory.
• There will be times when my strength will give out. Resting is not admitting defeat.
• When I fall, I need to be willing to ALLOW others to hold me up.
• When I see others fall, I need to be ready and willing to go to their side and HOLD THEM UP.
• Sometimes, when the Lord works a miracle and wins a mighty victory, it's a good idea to write it down so you don't forget it.

Dear Lord,

Help me to be ever watchful of those who may be weak and need someone to help hold them up for awhile. And help me not to be so proud that I refuse the help that others offer me when I'm the one in need of assistance. Please help me remember that we're all in this together. We're all brothers and sisters in the Lord. Not one of us is better or worse than another. In your eyes, we are all precious. I thank you and praise you for giving us the VICTORY over sin. Guide us as we navigate this treacherous wilderness of life, and lead us safely to that glorious promised land in Heaven, I pray.

In Jesus' name,
Amen

Lord, Hold Me (Sonnet)

Lord, you've brought me this far, so now I trust
That You'll carry me the rest of the way.
I'm trying so hard to do what I must
To make it through each dreary, weary day.
I don't want to fail You now by falling,
But some days it's ever so hard to stand.
So now on Your Holy Name I'm calling,
Begging You to steady me with Your hand.
I need Your power now more than ever,
For the gates of hell rattle, oh so loud.
Did I think I'd make it this far? Never.
Yet I'm ashamed and anything but proud.
Lord, hold me in Your precious arms tonight,
And help me not to give up on this fight.

Was This the Only Way? (sonnet)

Gut wrenching sobs from the pit of my soul,
I try to stop, but the tears still flow on.
Feels like I'm broken in two, never whole,
All the days since my children have been gone.
I pray, but my prayers bounce right off the wall.
I beg and I plead for God to hear me.
I wish I could protect them from this all,
What I wouldn't give to have them near me.
But God is asleep, or maybe He's deaf,
Or maybe He just simply doesn't care.
I've cried til I haven't any tears left,
But it hasn't gotten me anywhere.
What is it that You're trying to teach me?
Was this the only way You could reach me?

A Longing for Heaven (sonnet)

When questions line up like soldiers in line
To take their shot at my crumbling resolve,
When each day seems lacking sufficient time,
And the problems seem too many to solve,
When the worries press and the cares distress,
When the bills are many and checks are few,
When all of life seems a big, jumbled mess,
And I seldom seem to know what to do,
When I fall to the floor on shaking knees,
When I cry to the sky without reply,
When I beg of God, and even say please,
And yet still don't have the answer to "why?"
That's when I cling to promises He's giv'n.
That's when I feel a longing for heaven.

I Do Not Have the Answers (sonnet)

I do not have the answers for all this,
So many questions left for me to face.
I will not ever get back what I've missed,
I don't know how I'll make it through this place.
Sometimes it feels my prayers bounce off the wall,
I wonder if God even hears me cry.
I sometimes question if He's there at all,
When I can't seem to find a reason why
The things I love the most have been taken.
The darkest night seems even darker still.
My faith has oh so soundly been shaken,
But continue to trust in Him, I will.
I cannot see beyond this awful pain,
But I will praise you, Lord, despite the rain.

I Can't Believe I Let Him in Again (sonnet)

I can't believe I let him in again.
I thought I'd built the walls up high enough.
I haven't felt this bad since God knows when.
Simply hearing his voice, his touch, and stuff.
I only wanted to be with my kids,
To make the day special for them somehow.
I never dreamed I'd be feeling like this,
The nightmares have started all over now.
Just when I think I've fin'lly broken free,
He finds a way to get under my skin.
Why do I let what he says bother me?
Why do I even let his words get in?
God, help me shut out all these memories.
I'm asking you, begging you, won't you please?

If I Can Dare to Dream (sonnet)

If I can dare to dream a dream so small,
Though some might think my goals are somewhat strange,
Some might not think this is a dream at all --
My circumstances to be rearranged.
If I can find a way to just hold on
A little while longer, then I just might
Find a small ledge that I can sit upon
Until I find my way through this dark night.
My prayers are not unanswered, this I know,
My heav'nly Father hears each time I cry.
He'll show me down which path I need to go,
And lead me to a safe place, by and by.
If only I can cling to His strong hand,
Someday He'll lead me to the Promised Land.

Unworthy (sonnet)

I know I don't deserve for You to hear
My prayers, oh Lord, or give a second thought
To my complaining words or raining tears.
Some may say I'm beautiful, but I'm not.
My past is ugly as the sin I've borne,
It comforts not that You are forgiving.
I try to let it go, but still I mourn
For those that died and those that are living.
Is there an end to this eternal ache?
A mother's heart can only take so much
Before it crumbles and begins to break
From all the worrying and stress and such.
Unworthy though I am, I come to You.
Please give me strength so I can make it through.