Was This the Only Way? (sonnet)

Gut wrenching sobs from the pit of my soul,
I try to stop, but the tears still flow on.
Feels like I'm broken in two, never whole,
All the days since my children have been gone.
I pray, but my prayers bounce right off the wall.
I beg and I plead for God to hear me.
I wish I could protect them from this all,
What I wouldn't give to have them near me.
But God is asleep, or maybe He's deaf,
Or maybe He just simply doesn't care.
I've cried til I haven't any tears left,
But it hasn't gotten me anywhere.
What is it that You're trying to teach me?
Was this the only way You could reach me?

Two Whole Hours (sonnet)

For two whole hours, I felt alive again,
Just to see my children smile, laugh and play.
I hadn't laughed like that since who knows when,
But now the melancholy's here to stay.
God, help me, I can't hold on much longer,
Each time I say goodbye, my heart breaks more.
I swear, I don't need to be much stronger,
Are you even watching or keeping score?
I'm trying to hold onto the joy, but
It slips from my hands each time they must go.   
And I'm left wondering exactly what
I will do as the days crawl by so slow.  
God, why can't anybody seem to see
That being without them is killing me?

Winter in My Soul (sonnet)

The flowers say that Spring is on its way,
But it's still Winter deep within my soul.
The sun comes out each warm and sunny day,
But I cannot escape the bitter cold.
I hear "Mom" in a store and turn my head;
It's automatic when I hear that call.
I was coming to life, but now I feel dead,
Without a reason to go on at all.
I wake each morning and must force myself
To get up, to get out, and to go on.
I cannot depend on anyone else;
My faith in humanity's all but gone.
What did I do to deserve all this pain?
I dared to let my feelings show again.