I'm Afraid to Fall in Love (Poem)

I'm afraid to fall in love,

I think I tried that way back when . . .

Back when I still believed

That love would never hurt me

Or deceive me,

Or desert me,

Never let me down again.

So won't you forgive me, please,

If I'm a bit of a slowpoke,

I promise this isn't any joke - -

I am just a “fraidy cat,” it's true,

Even though I'm totally nuts about you.

You see, I know for certain

That I like you a whole lot - -

That it feels good to hold you tight,

That I could kiss you half the night,

That I've gotten so used to you

That I'd be awful sad to lose you,

But beyond that, honey,

I must admit that I'm ashamed to say . . .

I'm afraid to fall in love.

What if what we share goes away?

What if you don't want to stay?

What if I'm not good enough somehow?

What if the timing isn't right just now?

I can say for sure how wonderful

It feels spending time with you,

How I daydream half the day away,

Wondering if you're thinking of me too.

I imagine sitting near you,

Calling you “my dear,” too.

When I feel you hold my hand,

I hope that you can understand,

But do you?

I'm afraid to fall in love.

So many painful words were spoken,

My heart has been so badly broken.

Has it finally healed itself?

Don't tell anybody else, but

I'm afraid to say “I love you.”

I'm not sure what that would mean.

Would it mean that we belong together?

Would it mean we'd last forever?

Please forgive me for not knowing

Just exactly where we're going,

I'm afraid to fall in love,

So how about we just go fishing,

Spend some time, and keep on wishing

To be friends for just awhile?

I sure do enjoy your smile.

When we're apart it's not the same,

And at the mention of you name,

I must admit,

I blush a little bit.

This feels somehow new to me,

It's been so long since I felt this way --

You have no idea what you do to me,

With the things you do and say.

Simple things that aren't so simple,

Things that make me want to fall,

Things that make me want to crawl

Begging on my hands and knees,

“Won't you stay forever, please!”

But I'm afraid to fall in love.

So if it's quite alright, I won't.

You can fall in love with me, if you want,

But it might be safer if you don't.

Because my heart's still kind of healing

And my mind's still sort of reeling

I'm just trying to stay afloat.

I don't want to say the words

Until I know I mean them.

And I suppose it's far too soon

To know for sure how I feel,

But I thought I'd let you know

I'm headed that direction,

Towards falling in love,

And it's scaring me to death.

I can barely take a breath.

When I look into your eyes,

It catches me by surprise,

And I'm not sure what to do or say?

Does it matter anyway?

I suppose what's meant to be will be,

Without help from you or me.

It's just that sometimes at night

I lie awake. I can't sleep.

My mind is full,

And my thoughts are deep.

Wondering if you're “the one,”

Wondering if you even care,

Or if I'm just another person

To take somewhere

And do stuff with.

Hang out for awhile,

Catch a quick hug & kiss.

I feel so very unsure,

So confused and insecure.

I don't know where to go from here,

If I give you the wheel,

Will you steer?

I don't know this road very well.

The last time I drove down it,

It went straight to hell.

Please be patient with me if

I'm worried we'll drive right off a cliff . . .

You see, it wouldn't be the first time

Someone broke this heart of mine.

And I don't know how many crashes I can take,

How many more times my heart can break,

Before the shattered pieces can never

Again be put back together.

So you see . . .

It's quite the awful tragedy . . .

What on earth will you do with me?

I'm afraid to fall in love.

Cold Duck and I (sonnet)

Cold duck and I are swimming all around,
Trying to make sense of why I am here.
Fighting to keep my feet firm on the ground,
Struggling to keep my entire mind clear.
Cold duck says I am all wrong for this pond,
I long for the land of ten thousand lakes.
It's a place for which I've always been fond,
Where even lame ducks sometimes get a break.
Cold duck and I think the world is too large;
Too many people with rules, oh so strange.
I wish, just for once, that I could take charge
Of life, of my destiny, for a change.
Cold duck and I only meet now and then,
'Twill be hard to wait 'til we meet again.

Somewhere Beyond (sonnet)

Somewhere beyond these walls there is a place
Where grass grows green and children freely play,
A safe and happy spot in time and space,
No worries are allowed to ruin the day.
Somewhere beyond this day another comes,
And I have no idea what it will hold.
I do not know if I should stay or run,
Or just stay here and keep on growing old.
Somewhere beyond this life is one brand new,
A mystical city, so I've been told,
Where no sorrow or pain ever break through,
Where memories of earth quickly grow cold.
I long to go somewhere beyond this grief
Where I can eventually find relief.

The Maze in My Mind (sonnet)

Ageless and nameless and faceless, I feel,
As though I do not fit in anywhere.
Are my thoughts or my feelings even real,
Or did some weird stroke of fate put them there?
There are some things I know with certainty,
But there are so many things that I doubt.
I have learned a great deal from books, you see,
But there's still so much I can't figure out. 
Do others struggle with questions like these,
Or am I just some special kind of freak?
Will my heart and mind ever be at ease?
Will I ever find the answers I seek?
How on earth will I ever hope to find
A way to explain the maze in my mind?

Somewhere, Someday, Somehow (sonnet)

Somewhere out there is there a man, like me,
Who seeks a mate to complement his soul.
Somewhere out there is someone who could be
The other half of me to make a whole.
Somewhere out there could be just the someone
I've never met, but yearned for all my life.
Someday perhaps, my loneliness all done,
I'll take my place as someone's cherished wife.
Somehow, maybe, God's will includes a mate,
A character that just might match with mine.
Someday, perhaps, if it is not too late,
I'll find the man for me, by God's design.
Somewhere, someday, somehow, if it's to be,
I'll find the one that God's prepared for me.

Two Whole Hours (sonnet)

For two whole hours, I felt alive again,
Just to see my children smile, laugh and play.
I hadn't laughed like that since who knows when,
But now the melancholy's here to stay.
God, help me, I can't hold on much longer,
Each time I say goodbye, my heart breaks more.
I swear, I don't need to be much stronger,
Are you even watching or keeping score?
I'm trying to hold onto the joy, but
It slips from my hands each time they must go.   
And I'm left wondering exactly what
I will do as the days crawl by so slow.  
God, why can't anybody seem to see
That being without them is killing me?