Ready or Not (poem)

I saw him and he saw me,
But still we looked on silently
Til I got the nerve to give him my number
And he had the nerve to text. 

We went to the movies,
We went out for coffee,
And it's surprising
What happened next. 

I found myself falling
In "like" on the spot,
And then love came,
Ready or not.

Intimacy After an Abusive Relationship

I was worried that I wouldn't be able to be physically intimate with another man after my abusive relationship.  I was just sure that if my new boyfriend even TOUCHED me that I'd be triggered and have a panic attack.  But he's been very patient, gentle, and respectful, and things are going great.

I think the key to successful physical intimacy after an abusive relationship is openness, honestly, and respect.  If you inform your partner about your potential triggers and explain to them how these types of things make you feel, then he or she can be careful to avoid those types of activities. 

I'm thankful that my new boyfriend has been patient with me and has allowed me to control the level of physical intimacy.  I highly suggest that anyone who's starting a new relationship with someone after a previously abusive relationship make it a high priority to seek out someone who has a great deal of patience and respect.  Those two things are key. 

Red flags that a new partner may exhibit that would warn you to get out of the relationship:

• Wanting to be with you constantly and not allowing you to have any "alone" time.
• Wanting to know where you are and what you are doing at all times (i.e. texting and calling you constantly to check up on you). 
• Having strange fetishes or odd sexual demands (i.e. wanting a threesome or insisting that you role play in a way that makes you uncomfortable)
• Constantly comparing you to prior partners and/or constantly talking about prior relationships.
• Pressuring you to become more intimate than you want to be, sooner than you want to, or more often than you want to
• Moving the relationship along too quickly (i.e. seriously discussing marriage too soon, etc)
• Being jealous of other friends that you may have
• Asking you lots of questions about your past but not being willing to talk about his/her past
• Being obsessed with his/her appearance and/or your appearance

There are others, of course, but those are a few warning signs to look for.  Luckily, so far, my new boyfriend has been very respectful of the boundaries I've set up and hasn't pressured me to do anything that I'm uncomfortable with.  Am I in love?  It's too early to tell, but I'm definitely leaning in that direction!

I Love You as a Fire (sonnet)

I love you as a fire that burns so deep,
It cannot be put out by storm or sea.
A love so strong, it calls me in my sleep
And beckons me to dream of you with me.
I love you, though I don't know why I do,
Or why I feel the things you make me feel.
I find myself daydreaming about you
And praying that this love we share is real.
I love you, though I don't know for how long
I'll get to hold you in these arms of mine.
Your love is like a gentle, soothing song
That sings within my soul most of the time.
Your eyes, your smile, your touch, your hair, your smell;
Which of these things are best, I cannot tell.

Note: Yes, I did write this one.  I had to give it a try!

Love Sonnet by Pablo Neruda

(Translated from Spanish By Mark Eisner)

I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,

or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:

I love you as one loves certain obscure things,

secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries

the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,

and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose

from the earth lives dimly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,

I love you directly without problems or pride:

I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,

except in this form in which I am not nor are you,

so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,

so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

Note: I wanted to write a love sonnet, but none that I could write would come close to this.  And it describes how I feel to a 't.'

What an "x" is good for (sonnet)

To him it's still a game of cat and mouse,
He wonders what will work to bait the hook.
Well I won't let him back into my house,
Not even for one tiny, little look.
My days of feeling hurt are so long gone,
The childish things he says don't bother me.
There're actually some mem'ries that are fond,
I don't hate him; just wish he'd leave me be.
I have another man who treats me right,
Respects me for the woman that I am,
Who doesn't live to name call, scream, or fight,
Knows how to be a perfect gentleman.
There's only one thing an "x" is good for --
Spelling the word that helps you find the door.

Somehow It Matters If It's Real (sonnet)

Oh Heart, I thought you dead, you beat again. 
Oh Soul, I thought you stone, and yet you feel.
Oh wow, I hadn't laughed since God knows when,
And yet, somehow it matters if it's real.
I don't want just a foolish fling that fails.
I don't want empty words or shallow sex.
I've buried doubt in a coffin with nails,
If I needed drama, I'd call my ex.
I don't want a stalker who likes my feet.
I don't want a rich man who buys me things.
I want a man who is always discreet,
One who will let me try out my own wings.
Life's a scary world getting scarier.
Love? That would make my life much merrier.

Better Off Single (sonnet)

Dating's a concept that's foreign to me,
I'm rusty as an old nail in a fence --
Haven't dated since nineteen ninety three;
I'm feeling out of touch and rather dense.
Does a hug still mean what it used to mean?
How do I show I'm not interested?
How do I keep things friendly, nice, and "clean,"
Without too much energy invested?
I almost feel like an alien just now,
As though all the men are from outer space.
I try to make small talk, but don't know how,
And always end up feeling out of place.
I guess there's no harm learning to mingle,
But for now, think I'm better off single.

Somewhere, Someday, Somehow (sonnet)

Somewhere out there is there a man, like me,
Who seeks a mate to complement his soul.
Somewhere out there is someone who could be
The other half of me to make a whole.
Somewhere out there could be just the someone
I've never met, but yearned for all my life.
Someday perhaps, my loneliness all done,
I'll take my place as someone's cherished wife.
Somehow, maybe, God's will includes a mate,
A character that just might match with mine.
Someday, perhaps, if it is not too late,
I'll find the man for me, by God's design.
Somewhere, someday, somehow, if it's to be,
I'll find the one that God's prepared for me.